Dear Sarah,
So I was just wondering, how do you deal when you make a mistake, or do something you regret? Does this ever happen to you? I can’t figure out if I’m just making more mistakes lately, or if I’m having a harder time forgiving myself for them?
Before I attempt to answer our friend’s very valid question, please allow me to share some of my most epic mistakes.
2) Allowing a five year relationship to go on for about two years too long.
3) Not proofing $1,300 worth of product before I sent it to the printer.
4) Not tying down a mattress I was hauling in the back of a pickup (it blew out of the back in the middle of the Lake Street bridge. During rush hour.)
5) Frequently wearing red fleece overalls in high school. Yes.
How to get over your mistakes in five not-particularly-easy steps
Step 1: Be honest about what actually caused these mistakes
And thus? It is totally within my power to avoid them in the future.
If you're the source of hardships in your life, you're also the source of the solutions. Share on XStep 2: Think about how you can prevent this from happening again
Double proofreading
Asking a friend to proofread
Not writing after you’ve had three lattes (not that I would know anything about that)
Knowing and liking yourself before you start dating someone
Figuring out what you’re looking for
Not dating people who don’t fit what you’re looking for
Learning how to fight fair
Step 3: View the results of your mistakes from an objective standpoint
As morbid as it sounds, the gig’s not up till you’re in the ground. One mistakes does not need to beget another. You don't need to be perfect, you just need to be slightly smarter than last time. Share on X
Step 4: Think about how you can correct your mistakes
Step 5: Realize that regret is deeply, deeply useless
Now, there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that maybe, if you could do it again, you wouldn’t incur $75,000 worth of debt for an M.A. in Underwater Basket Weaving. But there’s a difference between shrugging and saying “Ah, well. Ya live, ya learn.” and tormenting yourself every time you make a loan payment.
Regretting your life’s choices serves no one. It’s completely pointless and, as all those Pinterest images wisely state “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.”And if you’re still hung up on past mistakes? Use the ol’ grand canyon trick.
Picture that the Grand Canyon is your life–your past, present and future. Start envisioning the various parts of your life within the canyon: Over there is the day you were born, your third-grade choir performance, your job as a babysitter. Picture your present: There’s your apartment, your friends, your mom, the book you’re reading right now. Picture your future: There’s your next vacation, the love of your life, your future children, the Top Chef finale. 🙂
Picture the enormous Grand Canyon and drop your worry into it. Whatever you’re worrying about–your cranky boss, your dating life, a salty comment from a friend–will be barely visible. “See how tiny it looks?” she says. Suddenly your problem will seem much, much smaller in comparison to the grand course of your huge, rich, long life.
Do you get hung up on past mistakes? If you’ve gotten past them – how’d you do that? Tell us in the comments so we can learn from you!
P.S. How to deal when people disappoint you + You’re probably not the exception to the rule (and that’s totally okay)
This is such a great article! I will definitely put these to use. I really like the point about the freedom that comes with recognizing the mistake was because of you.
On bad days where things have really just not gone my way and I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, I also sometimes tell myself 'You've just had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day," just like the children's book. It's so corny, but it helps me put things into perspective and remember that tomorrow starts a new day.
I really loved this post and how you tied each point to a specific example that you brought up, all of which are very personal and very brave of you to let us in like that! I think it really helps us readers connect with you (: Thanks for the tips and sharing, we love reading your posts!
Thanks, Mika! So glad you enjoyed it!
I was in an abusive relationship when I was 19. He was my first real boyfriend after high school and I was his first real girlfriend. He bullied me into doing things I didn't want to do, paraded me around like arm candy, and went so far as to rape me. I was too afraid to end it because all my friends were dating his friends and I was afraid of losing my social group. He was afraid he would go back to being the other guys' cannon fodder.
I beat myself up for my choices for nearly a decade. I didn't truly forgive myself until I admitted my mistakes in the relationship. I knew it was broken well before he ended it. (Yes, he ended it). I forgave myself for both of us lacking the emotional maturity to back out of something that just wasn't working.
He lives in another state, so it's unlikely I'll ever see him again. If I did, I would just nod and keep walking.
Em, I'm so sorry you went through that. But I'm so, SO glad you've forgiven yourself and moved on <3
Ha, did you really wear red fleece overalls in your younger years? Picture, please! Sounds comfy, though!
When I think of mistakes, I think of one of my favorite quotes on the matter that I've illustrated: Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much. Joan Collins. The most important thing is to learn from our mistakes. Unfortunately, we all have those that we'd like to erase from our own memories completely!
I think my biggest mistake was not trying hard enough at school and university, and not working to discover what was 'out there' for me.
I always got great marks, but unfortunately I never really had to work hard for them, meaning I never got used to hard work, or really experienced the satisfaction that comes with it. As the first in my family to go to university, I also never really knew what sort of careers were out there for me — I did not even know that studying things like 'public policy' was possible! I didn't find out until I was actually at university, and then I decided to stick with my easy course of study rather than choosing a new challenge.
These days I'm working hard in a field unrelated to my degree (I actually turned my hobby into my job, which is awesome), and I'm learning about hard work.
How do I forgive myself? I remind myself that I'm 23, I'm not exactly over-the-hill yet, so the fact that I'm learning now is fantastic! Go me! I'm happy that I've found the wisdom to realise my past mistakes, and overcome them through commitment and determination.
High five, you! <3
I think the biggest mistakes I have made are when I refuse/forget to be kind to others, which sounds trite, but I can cringe each time I remember those moments. Ooof… so glad that the brake mistake wasn't worse. Yikes!
"2) Allowing a five year relationship to go on for about two years too long."
You and me both, sister! Amazing how clear it is in hindsight. 😐
This is going to sound oddly specific, but the mistake my mind is jumping to right now it not making a phone call. This time last year I was waiting to hear back about some academic paperwork that needed to go through before I could rent an apartment, buy a car, and start living my life where I wanted to live it. By the time I made the phone call I had already moved back to live with my parents. Had I called even a week earlier I would have been able to start living the life I wanted right away instead of being home for two months.
On the bright side I was home for Mother's Day, my sister's birthday, and Father's Day that year for the first time a few years, and potentially the last time ever.