Did I ever tell about the time …

I was going through customs in New Jersey? And they pulled me out of the crowd because I apparently looked like a drug smuggling hippie? Please allow me to relate the conversation that ensued.

Customs agent: M’am, could you tell me the purpose of your trip?

Me: Ummm, it was a vacation.

Customs agent: Did you know anyone in Peru?

Me: No.

Customs agent: So you were there by yourself? For three months? In Peru?

Me: Well, I traveled with some friends for a while and then I did some volunteer work.

Customs agent: Uh-huuuuuh. And how did you hear about it?

Me: About Peru? How did I hear about the country of Peru?

Customs agent: Yes Ma’am.

Me: Ummmmm … sixth grade social studies class?

Good lord. What’s the most hilariously stupid thing someone has said to you lately?

20 Comments

Aimee Marie

Haha! People are dumb. My dad got searched at Orlando airport once because they didn't believe him when he said he didn't have a single cent on him– my mum deals with all the money!

Reply
The Naked Redhead

I deal with students at an institution that has an open enrollment policy. In other words, there's not much of a filter. So, I hear a LOT of stupid things on a regular basis…it makes for good entertainment most of the time, and then there are times when I'm just like, "Seriously?" Ugh.

Reply
Darcie

At my job I do some design work. A couple years ago after showing a tri-fold brochure with a geometric design scheme, a coworker asked me exactly this question, "What does a circle do?"

me: "A circle? What? I don't understand…"

coworker: "That circle. What does it do?"

me: "Uh, it's for visual interest."

*end scene*

Reply
Brooke

The response from a friend of mine, after telling her all about my new (long distance) boyfriend and my trip to Europe: "I say scrap the trip, save the money and go visit him a few times instead."

I just about bopped her over the head a dozen times.

Reply
Powered by Tofu

Reminds me of when I was coming back from being out of the country for 4 months. They snagged me for the random search. And then the lady kept saying things like "OK, now I'm going to open this part of the backpack" and would watch my face for a reaction. I was like "yeah, ok, no worries, I've got all day" 🙂

Reply
Lana

Driving my old VW bus, Gordon, into Minnesota from Canada, my ex and I were pulled out of line for a search.

This was during the ban on Canadian beef due to mad cow disease, so they asked us if we picked up any beef while in Canada.

As it happened, we had some sausage in the fridge, and told them where to find it.

AN HOUR LATER, the security guy comes back, says to my ex "sir, we're going to need you to show us your meat."

So hard not to collapse in hysterical laughter.

Reply
megan

Me: "My boss said she wants to start using nicotine patches recreationally."

Friend: "I don't understand. Is it a sport?"

Reply
ML

(I work at a library)

patron: "uhh, where are the books?"

another patron: "do i have to pay to rent the books?"

Reply
Sarah Von Bargen

These are so good you guys! I would also like to add two gems from a former co-worker when I was waitressing:

Me: "Yeah, it's amazing that 'Frankenstein' was written by such a young woman."

Her: "Uh-huh! That Mary Higgins Clark suuuuuure can write!"

Annnnd..

"You're moving to New Zealand? That's near Greenland, right?"

Reply
Laura

Talking to a friend's girlfriend about another friend who is Mexican:

Her: "So he's basically American right?"

Me: "Well, I guess you could say he's North American if you're talking about the continent..but I wouldn't really say he's American .. he's Mexican"

Her: "But Mexico is a state in America."

Me: "Er no….NEW Mexico is, but MEXICO is a separate country"

Her: "Really??!!!"

Me: "???" [wondering how my friend can be going out with such a dumb ass]

Reply
Komal

HAHAHA. I just went through customs on a trip to Canada and its amazing the questions they will ask. I got asked about 3 times if I had any forms of wood on me…Im sure there was a good reason to ask me, but seriously? 3 times. I think I would remember carrying wood on the plane!

Reply
nina_thomson

i work in a science museum. SCIENCE museum right. keep that in mind.

one of my co-workers has said all of the following and several i've forgotten

"are we made of atoms? we aren't are we?"

"are there gorillas in the australian jungle?"

she thought that all of the towns in my state went alphabetically. a fact which a basic knowledge of say 3 nearby towns would of told you otherwise.

which explains the fact that she had never heard of Darwin…the capital of the Northern territory. we have 8 states.

*sigh*

Reply
bex

I have more trouble getting into the states than most people I know on non-american passports. Customs just can't get past the idea of me being an American citizen with a permanent address in another country.

Also, when I was moving to New Zealand:
"That's near England, right?"
"That big island off Africa? I didn't realise people lived there."
And the winner?
"But… how will you keep in touch without electricity?!"

Reply
Kristina

Oh oh! I have an border crossing story too! My husband is Canadian, and I am not (also, he is black, and I am not, which I sometimes think causes more problems than the Canadian thing).

When we were still engaged, we went to Canada for a friend's wedding. On the way back, we crossed the border in Windsor (Detroit). Here's the conversation we had with the Customs agent.

Him: What was your purpose in Canada?
Us: We went to a wedding of a friend.
Him: Why?
Us: Um, why? He's a friend?
Him: Oh yeah? Whose wedding was it?

Seriously? Like he's going to know our friend Randy? Did he think I couldn't make up a name quickly, and hoped to trick me into admitting that I was really there to sneak primo Canadian weed into the US? I don't expect much from Customs, but it was pretty ridiculous, even from them.

Reply
Anonymous

very late in joining this conversation…. heres our customs story;
my husband and I are canadians recently graduated from an american university to which we had communited to on a daily basis. (we were late in returning our I-94`s; documents which allow foreigners to study in the US) After grad, we made a trip back into the US in which we were pulled over, asked to leave the car seperately during which my husband was asked if he was hidding “an A-K 47 in his pocket“….
to which he answered “um..no….not today….“ lol
seriously until that mess was resolved we were on some black list and had to plan an extra 2 hrs whenever we wanted to cross the border.
we are the shortest, most unassuming people we know.

Reply
Anonymous

very late in joining this conversation…. heres our customs story;
my husband and I are canadians recently graduated from an american university to which we had communited to on a daily basis. (we were late in returning our I-94`s; documents which allow foreigners to study in the US) After grad, we made a trip back into the US in which we were pulled over, asked to leave the car seperately during which my husband was asked if he was hidding “an A-K 47 in his pocket“….
to which he answered “um..no….not today….“ lol
seriously until that mess was resolved we were on some black list and had to plan an extra 2 hrs whenever we wanted to cross the border.
we are the shortest, most unassuming people we know.

Reply
Anonymous

very late in joining this conversation…. heres our customs story;
my husband and I are canadians recently graduated from an american university to which we had communited to on a daily basis. (we were late in returning our I-94`s; documents which allow foreigners to study in the US) After grad, we made a trip back into the US in which we were pulled over, asked to leave the car seperately during which my husband was asked if he was hidding “an A-K 47 in his pocket“….
to which he answered “um..no….not today….“ lol
seriously until that mess was resolved we were on some black list and had to plan an extra 2 hrs whenever we wanted to cross the border.
we are the shortest, most unassuming people we know.

Reply

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