2) Say things like “Eff me? Double Eff you!”
3) Kick the dead horse
4) Poke the dead horse with a stick
5) Kick the dead horse some more
6) Eat carbs and cheese in all their varying and delicious forms
But after all that fussing and cheese-eating, I’m usually left bloated and disappointed in myself. Once I calm down, I try to use one of my favorite psychological tricks:
What would Best Case Scenario Me Do?
(Or WWBCSMD if you want a super catchy acronym.)
Who’s Best Case Scenario Me? She’s the version of me when I’m in top form, firing on all cylinders, making choices that I’m proud of. She doesn’t put up with that hot but shitty British boytoy, she doesn’t lay on the couch shaking Bacos into her mouth on a Friday night and she doesn’t sit idly by when people sprinkle their conversations with the word ‘retard.’ She’s who I am on occasion, and would like to be more often.
I really like this strategy. Instead of wondering how my mum/Madonna/Virgina Woolf would with deal with something, I try to think of a reaction that within my own lexicon. Sometimes it’s helpful to think about how people we admire would handle things, yes. But I think that can also take the focus away from the unique strategies that we surely have inside ourselves.
And any given situation can be dealt with any number of ways. What would Oprah do if she was moved by the plight of stray dogs come winter? Probably adopt the whole pound and give each dog a gold dog mansion. BCSM would volunteer at the pound … and knit tiny dog sweaters. If some Lothario harassed Madonna on the street, she’d probably wring his neck with her giant biceps. BCSM would narrow her eyes, sigh and say “Don’t do that, buddy.” I’ll never be able to channel these amazing women that I am not, but I can channel the me that I someday hope to be.
This mind game is also helpful because it forces me to think about the person I want to become and distance between her and who I am now. BCSM is a bit more active, a lot more patient, procrastinates less, is more tolerant in some areas of her life … and less tolerant in others. But she’s not so far from Sarah Von version 1.0. This gives me hope that I can get there someday and also reassures me that the version of myself that I am now isn’t too bad.
What is your Best Case Scenario Me like?