Mormonism was a religion founded in 1821 by a man named Joseph Smith. He was 14 at the time, and following subsequent years, received many heavenly messengers (the Angel Moroni, namely) who helped him find the Golden Plates and from there translate them into what is now known as the Book of Mormon, a record of an ancient people here in the Americas. In the year 1827, he officially founded the Mormon religion, or as they believe, restored the one true church of Christ to the Earth (now known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or LDS).
From there, they have propagated their religion internationally, sending missionaries to almost every nation across the globe. There are more than 100 Mormon temples in operation throughout the world, and I believe that church membership has exceeded 13 million. Mormons hold the Bible (Old and New Testaments), the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price as holy canon. They don’t believe in premarital sex, drinking alcohol, caffeinated tea or coffee, smoking in any form, or other hot beverages (although hot chocolate is allowed). They believe that after this life there is one of three “kingdoms” that await us, each with varying degrees of glory. They practice sacred ceremonies within their temples, much of which pertain to the afterlife, including baptizing for the dead.
What are the biggest misconceptions about Mormons?
The biggest misconceptions about Mormons are that they are still polygamists. Many times I was asked how many wives my father had, and I always replied in saying that I only had one mother and that my father only had one wife. They are many sects that came from Mormonism, many of which still practice, but Mormons, or LDS as they are affectionately called, do not. Or, at least they’re not supposed to.
Other misconceptions about Mormons are that they are not Christian and that they hold Joseph Smith as some deity. This is not true; while Mormons do hold Joseph Smith in high regard, they do not consider him a deity. They do believe in Christ, as their name states, and do consider themselves Christian.
How did you come to be Mormon? Were you raised in the Mormon Church?
I was born and raised in the Mormon Church, and until recently, was a member of the same.
How did being Mormon affect your daily life?
Being a Mormon has a great affect on your daily life, as Mormons don’t believe in only Sunday practicing. I often carried a small Book of Mormon around with me, at all times (this doesn’t mean that I pulled it out and read it, just that I had it with me). I wore the sacred undergarments known also as garments on a daily basis. I didn’t watch R-rated movies, drink coffee or alcohol (ever), or smoke (at all). If someone challenged any aspect of Mormonism, I would stand up and try to answer questions or as they call it, “bare my testimony” in which I would testify as to the veracity of the religion, of which I was sure, supposedly.
Just like any religion, I’m sure there are varying degrees of commitment. to the Mormon Church. Did you ever drink alcohol or coffee? What about those special undergarments? Did you get married in the temple?
I never drank alcohol or coffee. I did try coffee once (I think it was some kind of really cheap cappuccino). I did wear the special undergarments and only removed them to shower, swim, etc. I strove to attend church every Sunday, pay my tithing, not watch R-rated movies, not listen to music that swore, not swear or cuss, etc. All in all, it’s about being worthy to have the influence of the Holy Spirit with you at all times, and avoiding the discussed activities above was the way to do it.
I was married in the temple to my now ex-wife. I think that there are varying degrees of Mormon “fundamentalism”. There is a joke that the only difference between a Non-Mormon and a Mormon is the temperature of their caffeine in the morning. Mormons have Pepsi, Coke, or some other kind of assorted caffeinated drink, while Non-Mormons drink coffee. To me, it’s seemingly the same. I think they would argue differently. There are those “members” as they are called that swear, watch R-rated movies, drink the occasional coffee or alcohol, and don’t have a problem with it. I don’t think the Mormon Church is okay with this, but this is what happens.
What did the Mormon religion bring to your life?
Honestly, a lot of guilt.
But in all fairness, it did bring some cherished moments to my life. I served a mission in Mexico which I remember very fondly. It was a great experience in which I feel I was making a tangible, positive difference in people’s lives. There is great sense of community within the Mormon Church, and growing up, which was a great thing.
But on the flip side, for me, it was almost impossible for me to think that I could actually make it to heaven. I think you could ask many Mormons if they honestly believe they are “going to make it” and I would imagine that a large percentage would say no. Since leaving the “fold” as they call it, I have experienced intense feelings of damnation, that I am going to hell, and that my soul is lost. I think Mormons, overall, view non-members more fondly than people like me (those that have left). There is definitely some residual psychological damage to myself that I realize only after having left. Now, I don’t want to assume that this happens to other Mormons, I’m only saying that it happened to me.
You’re not Mormon anymore. Why? What’s your relationship with faith now?
I’m not a Mormon anymore because I wasn’t happy. I was striving to do all that they required of me, to remain worthy in their eyes in so many ways, and the promised happiness never came. Mormons will say that they are taught to find out for themselves (which they definitely are) but I don’t feel as if I was taught to think for myself.
Things are very sheltered within the church. They never want you to look at the other side and consider the facts. Shady aspects of church history are hidden from the general membership. I don’t agree with the conservative inclinations of most Mormons, nor do I agree with the prescribed roles for both men and women. There are many things, and I won’t recount them all here.
My relationship with faith now is purely spiritual. I still believe in God and Jesus Christ, but I don’t prescribe to any denomination, while I do admit there every religion has good things to it. I am officially removed from the Mormon Church, that is, I had my membership records officially removed about a year ago.
What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church?
In regards to advice that I would give to someone either investigating the church for potential membership or for someone looking to leave is to look within you. Look at who you truly are and consider if it’s right for you, whether you’re pondering leaving or joining. I think the Mormon Church truly works for a lot of people (after all, there are more than 13 million), it just didn’t work for me.
If you’re considering joining, look at all the facts, do your “homework”, don’t simply take the word of the missionaries that I’m sure are visiting your house, prodding you along towards baptism. That’s what a missionary most wants is for someone to get baptized. If you are currently a member and have your doubts, learn to think for yourself, and then make a decision. Again, do the research, figure out if it all “clicks” for you and then decide. To those considering leaving, there is life after leaving it. You aren’t going to hell, and you’re not a bad person. There are more of us out there, and we would love to chat with you about our own journeys.
Are any of you Mormon? What has your experience with the church been? Any (respectful!) questions for Jacob?
I absolutely love your True Stories series Sarah. Thanks Jacob for sharing your story 🙂
I too just wanted to say that although I have no input on this story, I absolutely love this series. Thanks for sharing them. 🙂
I'm not a mormon, but i was raised adventist and still attend an adventist church, although my current church is definitely more open and progressive than where i grew up.
I can totally relate to this story, especially the guilt, thoughts of not being good enough to "make it to heaven", and the need to take a good, honest look inside yourself, as my home church is rather conservative and my mother announced a few weeks ago that she is leaving the church as she no longer believes that some of the things they teach are biblical, and she isn't sure that the church "messenger" was in fact divinely inspired after all.
obviously this has put me in an interesting place in terms of my faith journey, and while there is a lot of confusion, i am so glad mum is making because it has forced me to examine what i believe for myself. i cannot stress enough how important it is to learn to think for yourself and look at what you are told from all sides.
thank you so much for sharing this story! it's true! there is life after leaving the church! 😀
This piece is incredibly easy for me to relate to. I was raised Mormon (only until I was about 12 or 13) before my family decided to leave the church and I had many of the same feelings and experiences. I'm still regularly asked about polygamy and I still have missionaries stop by my home to encourage me to return.
Though I don't regret my time with the church at all, I do feel that moving on was the best decision for me.
Thank you for including this in the series!
I'm 21, was raised Mormon, and spent time attending both BYU and BYU-Idaho (Mormon Private Universities). This story really hit home. It's comforting knowing that other people know what kind of anxiety you can have when you're following all the rules and just don't feel the inner peace in your soul that the "holy spirit" is supposed to bring. Religion is to bring people happiness and a sense of purpose; while the Mormon Church absolutely does this for some people, all I found there was guilt and a horrible feeling that there was something wrong with me-that I would never be good enough.
Great interview. Love this series.
While I wasn't Mormon, I was raised very religiously and I left the church at 19 for many similar reasons. I was tired of striving, I was tired of feeling like nothing I did was good enough and a million other things. Thanks for sharing your story, Jacob.
Thanks for writing this….but where is the rest? Where is the "why did you leave the church?" question
Mark, I think he addressed that in the "You're not a Mormon anymore. Why?" section 🙂
Jeez, I coulda written this and it would have been titled, "I used to be Baptist." I think Jason really hit the nail on the head with the concept of really learning to think for yourself in that environment, especially when you've grown up with it. For me, I had to get to the point where I realized that my parent's religion wasn't my religion, but it was a heck of a journey to get to that point. Painful at times, yes, but well worth the struggle.
Thanks!
Thanks for sharing!
Jason has been very respectful towards those who still believe.
I wish I could do the same, but being rased Catholic in a almost all-catholic country, where the Pope interferes with the Government, doesn't really allow you to meet true believers.
Anyway, just blabbing, thanx again!
Thanks for sharing Jacob! I was undereducated on Mormon faith and you cleared it up for me.
I've come across Mormons a fair few times -especially when I was in South America and I found them rather intriguing. I appreciated reading this article though…fills in some gaps. xxx
I left too, for lots of reasons. I've always wanted to create a "You've just damned your soul to the lowest kingdom of heaven and doesn't it feel good," support group.
I never thought about having my name removed from the rolls of the church, how do I do that?
Wow I think I'm the first active Mormon to comment! I love your series and I love getting others perspectives on important things. I'm very appreciative of Jacob's respectful description of the Church.
I've been raised in the LDS Church and I currently attend Brigham Young University. I know for myself that the Church is true, after much thought and prayer on my own. I'm grateful for the blessings that it brings to my life in the form of friends, comfort through hard times, joy, and eternal families. If anyone's interested in the Church from an active member's perspective, feel free to ask. 🙂
I'm a practicing member of the LDS church. I loved this interview especially because I know so many people who have similar experiences (even I myself felt like this for a few years).
There is one thing that I think I'd like to clarify that Jacob said in his interview. About the sheltered way of life. I felt the exact same way; that in a lot of ways, the Mormon culture can be very sheltered. But I think that the reason for this is that members wish to remove themselves from temptation. I myself experimented with different substances in my late teen years and early 20's.
I am now married and a working mother. And after all of that learning, I still find myself craving a smoke or an alcoholic mixed drink. Even though getting mixed up in it all turned out leading me to bad places.
I sometimes wish that I hadn't tried any of those things because now I know how "good" they feel and I'm that much more tempted.
I think the way that Mormons "shelter" themselves because of that reason.
A wonderful Interview, thanks!
I'm a practicing member of the LDS church. I loved this interview especially because I know so many people who have similar experiences (even I myself felt like this for a few years).
There is one thing that I think I'd like to clarify that Jacob said in his interview. About the sheltered way of life. I felt the exact same way; that in a lot of ways, the Mormon culture can be very sheltered. But I think that the reason for this is that members wish to remove themselves from temptation. I myself experimented with different substances in my late teen years and early 20's.
I am now married and a working mother. And after all of that learning, I still find myself craving a smoke or an alcoholic mixed drink. Even though getting mixed up in it all turned out leading me to bad places.
I sometimes wish that I hadn't tried any of those things because now I know how "good" they feel and I'm that much more tempted.
I think the way that Mormons "shelter" themselves because of that reason.
A wonderful Interview, thanks!
Thank you, Jacob, for sharing your story… And thank you, Sarah, for this wonderful article and series!
I joined the church at about the age of 19, and connected with it immediately. Shortly thereafter, though, I realized that, in my heart (and in my head) there were so many aspects of the church that I just could not believe in. I tried to continue anyway, and was a faithful member for several years. I've been inactive now for about a year and a half.
I also often felt inadequate, and not only by the stresses of abiding by church rules, but also the strange level of politics among members. I still appreciate and love many aspects of the church, and miss many things. I often consider returning to the church, especially since I have yet to find another church or religious/spiritual group to connect with and belong to… But as long as I have doubts and cannot believe in the teachings with my whole heart, I know I can never be a true member again.
Loved this. I have come to the same conclusion about spirituality. Religion just isn't for me, but I believe in Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit. I believe that we should live a life of beauty. Thank you for the post!
Greetings! This is Jacob who wrote the story and at Sarah's request have been invited to participate in the commentary.
I did strive to be respectful and I am glad that I was. For those of you wishing to contact me personally, please post your email address and I will get in touch with you personally.
I'm glad this article helped and perhaps shed light on an otherwise ambiguous religion. I would love to discuss it more with people who are willing to respectfully.
Best Wishes – "Jacob"
Hey, my name is Jen, I was a member of the LDS church between ages 5-14. Similar to your story, I had a light bulb moment that I wasn’t following the church because I loved it, it was out of fear- fear of myself. I am now 26 and currently in therapy- I think I am experiencing that residual psychological damage that the guilt, shame, self hatred I experienced as a Mormon teen. I wondered if you have any tips on how to come to terms with it- as I feel I missed out on childhood as I was really anxious and even suicidal at a young age.
I’d love to hear from you!
Greetings! This is Jacob who wrote the story and at Sarah's request have been invited to participate in the commentary.
I did strive to be respectful and I am glad that I was. For those of you wishing to contact me personally, please post your email address and I will get in touch with you personally.
I'm glad this article helped and perhaps shed light on an otherwise ambiguous religion. I would love to discuss it more with people who are willing to respectfully.
Best Wishes – "Jacob"
Greetings! This is Jacob who wrote the story and at Sarah's request have been invited to participate in the commentary.
I did strive to be respectful and I am glad that I was. For those of you wishing to contact me personally, please post your email address and I will get in touch with you personally.
I'm glad this article helped and perhaps shed light on an otherwise ambiguous religion. I would love to discuss it more with people who are willing to respectfully.
Best Wishes – "Jacob"
Greetings! This is Jacob who wrote the story and at Sarah's request have been invited to participate in the commentary.
I did strive to be respectful and I am glad that I was. For those of you wishing to contact me personally, please post your email address and I will get in touch with you personally.
I'm glad this article helped and perhaps shed light on an otherwise ambiguous religion. I would love to discuss it more with people who are willing to respectfully.
Best Wishes – "Jacob"
Thanks Jacob, for sharing your story, and thanks Sarah, for hosting this series.
I left the church in my mid-twenties for some of the same reasons. The hardest part for me has been feeling guilty about turning back on or rejecting the way my mother raised me. My dad is an atheist and I know how sad she feels that he's going to "hell" (at least in her mind). I used to feel sad about it too, and now I feel so free from those worries. I now believe in universal salvation (everyone goes to heaven!) and am trying to get her to see why it makes more sense than limited salvation.
Wow, this was really interesting. I'm not really exposed to Mormons…Mormonism(??) in Australia much so it was pretty informative, makes me think of the effingdykes blog, where the author used to be a mormon and she's talked about it several times. it's really interesting to hear personal experiences
Thank you Jacob, for being so respectful toward the LDS Church despite your difference of opinion.
I am an active lifelong member of the LDS church. Although I have struggled at times with certain aspects of the Mormon culture, I wholeheartedly believe that every aspect of the LDS religion is true. It can be hard to tell the difference between the two at times, but separating what some members believe as doctrine and what really is doctrine has helped my tesimony grow in the truthfulness of the Gospel.
Jacob, thank you for being respectful despite leaving the church. I am a practicing member of the LDS church. After prayer, I've come to know the church is true and I'm grateful for the blessings that it brings into my life.
Thanks for this series, Sarah.
Thanks for sharing your story! It's truly interesting to hear it from the perspective of someone who used to belong to a very strict religion. Thank you for taking the time to share.
Great interview! I'm a Mormon born and raised and I love the Church. There have been times when I struggled with things, but eventually everything clicked with me and I know for sure that it's the right place for me to be.
It is stressful trying to fit into the "cookie-cutter-Mormon" mold, but I found ways of being different and still hanging onto my values. For one, I'm a Democrat, which is kind of an oxymoron, but it works for me. I'm also majoring in History with an emphasis in World Religions and I really like learning about what other people believe. I've learned to accept people for who they are and what they want in life and not judge them because they aren't like me. I think a lot of times in the LDS faith people get so caught up in what they believe that they forget to accept others and truly be kind to everyone. It's sad, but this goes for other people in different religions as well.
Love the posts Sarah! Keep em coming!!
JayMay: life lessons
http://juliamaypearce.blogspot.com/
I live in Lisbon and I have always been curious about the Mormon community here. I am a strong believer in freedom to practice whatever religion. Portugal is a 80% catholic country with strong, centuries old beliefs and hard for any other religion to penetrate. Many times I have seen on the streets Mormon Church members, but I don’t quite understand what it is they are doing. They always dress the same and carry the bible around, but I have never seen them engage in a conversation with any locals…They seem serene and closed-up. But the funny thing is, is that they are always young, blodish, good looking guys! They do stand out!
I think it is mostly ignorance of my part… I might just walk up to them one day and ask!
There are lots of resources out there for people who are looking for truth outside the Mormon church, and there are many people to support you in leaving the LDS chruch, if you decided to make that move. It can be incredibly difficult, and you may have years a head of you to create some sense of normalicy, but from my experience, it can be the best choice you could ever make for yourself.
Good luck to those who are making that choice.
Thanks for sharing your story! The one thing I want to say to you is this: In my experience, it's those who feel they don't deserve heaven that often deserve it most.
My ex-boyfriend is Mormon. We dated for nearly three years, although the last 8 months of our relationship was long distance while he was on his mission. His mother disliked me a lot at first (before we ever met) because I wasn't Mormon, even though I never smoked or (at the time) drank.
The members were very nice, but I wasn't brought up in a religious environment and was never interested in joining the church, although I think it was expected of me in the long run.
We still talk, but I'm glad that I'm no longer part of that as it felt stifling and I wasn't even a member.
I spent 22 years as a Mormon who tried very, very hard to keep all the commandments. I started researching Mormon history in college and was… unpleasantly surprised.
The feeling of betrayal was overwhelming. Mormonism impacts EVERY impact of a member's life, so my whole world imploded. I spent months sifting through books and sorting out my head.
For Ariel and anyone else who's informally left the LDS, these are good instructions for getting your name legally removed from the rolls: http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm
Thank you for posting this, Sarah and "Jacob".
I'm someone who's found a really happy home in the Mormon church, while also encountering some of the struggles that Jacob alludes to. One thing that shocked me was how much guilt Jacob said was in his life as a result of being Mormon; that just hasn't been my experience, I suppose. But it's no secret that guilt can be a powerful motivator, and there's no limit to the misguided methods folks can use to get a desired outcome, whatever the location or religion.
I'm prone to long blog comments, so this time, I went ahead and wrote a blog response of my own over on Tumblr, because there's a lot to think about in this interview! You can click on my name to read that.
Sara Katherine- I read your response. I think that you lack of understanding about the "guilt complex'' is maybe because you have never opposed anything the Mormon church has said. Personally, I have felt the intense guilt trips and harsh criticism from members of the Mormon church. I am not a member, but did investigate the faith myself. I am married to "Jacob" and know his story inside and out. I have watched people who have been part of his whole life push him away and say that he is dead to them. I have seen him soldier on in his struggle to find his own faith in God. He made a conscious choice to have faith based on what his heart says.
I'm sorry that his guilt "bummed" you out, but please remember that much has been done in support of "the True Faith", and not much of it can be considered good. My intention is not to be mean. I am just showing your a little window into other perspectives.
Thanks for sharing this. I'm a convert to the LDS church of some 34 years now, and am very happy with my membership, but I can certainly relate to a lot of what Jacob experienced. Everyone finds their own path to God – Jacob, I hope you find the best one for yourself. And Sarah, thanks for posting.
I'm a member of the LDS church. I have to say, yes, sometimes it's hard to do the right things. But having a religion that encourages its members to not have premarital sex, not to drink, and not to harm yourself or others can't be bad. I truly believe in God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost. I also believe in the mercy of God. Yeah, I mess up and I do things that in my heart I know I shouldn't, but in the end there's always a chance for me. God doesn't give up on us. That's the thing about the church that I believe more than anything. That and eternal marriage. It IS possible.
I appreciated the Jacob sharing his side. And I want to make this clear: Jacob, you have no reason to think you aren't going to Heaven. There's no reason to feel guilt. You are going to be just fine. We all will. It's what's in our hearts that really matter. It's the stuff that makes us stop and help a crying child find their mother, open doors for strangers, offer guidance to someone that's lost, and help anyone in need. That's the stuff of Heaven.
Hey Sarah! I love love LOVE your blog. I've noticed that you've done/are planning several True Story entries on religions (Paganism, Mormonism, a call for Jehovah's Witnesses), and I was really curious about whether you plan one about atheists. I've love to read it (and would even volunteer to be the subject if you needed one).
Rachel!
Yes, I actually just emailed out questions to an atheist last week! And I've also got an interveiw with a Muslim and a Hindu in the works. And maybe even a Parsi! I'm so excited to hear everybody's responses 🙂
I am LDS, was raised LDS, and spent some time outside the church, but have returned because I came to the realization I am happier within the church than I was outside it. It's a struggle, constantly.
Anyway, the point of this comment, is Thank you. I was very wary when you propesed a "I Used to be Mormon" article, but that was a respectful and thoughtful representation of the struggles of LDS people who don't fit the mold. So often writing by ex-Mormons about the church is angry and misleading, but this was reassuring, as well as the comments. I should have known that a Yes and Yes sponsered post would be thoughtful and accurate. Thank you.
A very touching story, it takes a lot to stand up and speak out.
My own story on Mormonism. I was 14 years old when my friend and her family introduced me to their church. Less than 3 months later I was baptized. At the time I didn't even know who their prophet Joseph Smith was. Looking back, I feel that they took advantage of me and my situation.
The happiness of joining the church changed very soon for me into something darker (no need to go into the details).
Overall, I fell in love with the family values of the Mormon culture, it really was beautiful to experience. But it didn't last long, as I was "not one of them".
I also used exmormon.org to remove myself from the official records of the church.
postmormon.org is also an excellent resource for those who have left or are considering leaving the mormon church.
Its funny that you said it brought you a lot of guilt. Guilt is something you bring upon yourself when you "know" you are in the wrong. Yes it is not easy being a mormon nor was it easy for Christ Apostles to follow him and preach. Life is not easy and if you want to live in Gods presence then you need to work for it. Some people say its not for them but in reality its that its too hard for them to follow Christ and so they take the easy way out and say "I'm just being myself now". Lucifer has done his job well then. Again its not easy following Christ, to turn the cheek when offended, to care for the needy, to put others needs before your own. Thats what Jesus did and it was not easy for him. All you did was put your needs before his and before others. I hope you find happiness and hope that you can say the same thing to God when you meet him again and why it was easy for you to leave his work. This is now between you and God and you will be responsible for what you preach to others and held accountable before him…I hope he takes it easy on you…
i appreciate the respectfulness with which the article and most of the responses have been given. i am a practicing latter day saint and have complete faith in this church. i believe that it is true, and the only church with the whole truth. that said, most all religions on earth have parts of this truth. i think god knew that one church would not work for anybody, and he is glad to have his children believing in any form of religion. i think god wants us to have hope, and something to lead us to act respectfully and as a good people.
i know mormonism doesn't work for everybody. the members can sometimes be judgmental, and that is sad. they have their faults just like any humans do. but the doctrine of our church, itself, is whole and accepting.
living as a latter day saint leads me to be happy and calm, and to face each hardship with hope and courage.
it leads me to a full life, and i am grateful for it.
thank you, sarah and jacob.