This guest post comes to us via the lovely and talented Corrine of Frock and Roll fame. You should pop over to her blog for inspiring posts on career, style and life.
They love you, you love them, and quite frankly, you’re growing the teeniest bit tired of being entwined in the tiring dance of hauling your belongings between their place and yours every weekend.. so kapow! It’s decided! You’re moving in together!
Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! What an exciting time! But secondly, to protect the beauty of your wonderful relationship, it may be necessary to roll out the red carpet of all rules so that your time together can continue to be blissful and delightful, and not so much “uh, I’m going to KILL you”.
Here’s how to move in with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) and not kill them
Get comfortable with compromise
For a fairly small word, it sure packs a LOT of power, and it’ll quickly become your new best friend when you’re on the verge of pulling your hair out because you’d really fantasized about having a modern, romantic-style décor` in your new digs and he’s already decked out the place with an African safari theme!
Decide who pays for what and when
Will one person cover the amount of the rent each week, while the other takes care of the bills and the grocery shopping, or will you split the cost of everything?
Establishing some financial ground rules BEFORE cohabitating will avoid the likelihood of squabbling over money later, which rarely spells anything other than bo-ring and and also, di-sas-ter!
Have a basic understanding on each other’s needs
Who needs the bathroom first in the morning? What foods makes your stomach churn? And, well, now that you’ve mentioned it, who will be doing the cooking each night?!
While these may sound like obvious guidelines, it’s important to have a basic understanding of each other’s needs to ensure that you don’t have a ‘’what? But how was I supposed to know that it wasn’t a good idea to bring my friend Mark home at 3am to play loud music when you have to be up for work at 6am?!’’ scenario on your hands further down the track!
Respect each other’s space
There will be times when it will seem that no matter how much you wriggle in to snuggle with each other on the couch, you’re still too far apart. And there are others when it will seem that even spending time in a separate room from each other seems much, much too close! The solution?
Learning when a healthy dose of time-out is required! (After all, do you remember that episode of Sex & The City where Carrie first moves in with Aidan, and laments to Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha in the coffee shop that every single time she comes home he’s ‘’all up in her face’’ exclaiming “How was your day? Who did you see? What did you do? Who do you know?’’, and that, well, she was growing ever-so tired of it? Yeah. Not-so-great.)
Respecting each other’s space is all a part of maintaining the ebb and flow of a magnificent relationship, so learn when it’s time to give one another a bit of it!
Have you ever moved in with a loved one? What were/are your saving graces?
P.S. How to get the love life you want + How to set more realistic relationship expectations (so you don’t end up disappointed, annoyed, or heartbroken)
Have a piece of the home that is just yours. Even if it's just a comfy chair in a corner of a shared study, a place that is solely for you will save your sanity.
great post, Corrine! Due to circumstances beyond our control, J and I moved in uhhhm 3 weeks after we met so we had a crash course in learning about one another and having to deal. It's been a bumpy ride sometimes but we're still going strong 🙂
My boyfriend and I have lived in a tiny flat with 3 rooms for the last 2 years and the only way we have managed is by an unspoken agreement that the bedroom is his space and the living room is mine! Sometimes we go without seeing the other person all day (even though we're only a room apart) which can seem strange to our friends but it works for us, especially after being together for 6 years! It keeps things interesting, prevents conversation from getting tedious and repetitive and from feeling like the place is even more cramped. In fact we spoke for about 2 hours straight today about a few things we'd seen and read about which was really interesting as I learnt a few things from my boyfriend that I wouldn't have come across on my own. I think if we were in the same room all the time, as some couples I know do, we'd feel obliged to spend all our time doing things with the other person as so not to leave them out, but then end up resenting the fact that we couldn't pursue our own interests as much.
Now if only he would help with the housework it would be perfection…*sigh* :p
Half-an-hour whinge time – when SB gets home from work we have half an hour to whinge about what went wrong that day
Snuggle Time – especially when I am on holiday we don't always get to bed at the same time. We try and have about half an hour of snuggle time usually after dinner but can also be during a program we're watching. Touch is very important for us in communicating love so we try and have that time every day.
Saying it like it is – sometime either he or I are acting a bit out of character and being up front with each other seems to work. Being told that I'm acting immature can be hard to hear but it sure snaps me out of my stupid behaviour!
GREAT tips everyone, and thank-you so much for allowing me to share a moment on your incredible stage, Sarah!
When my current boyfriend first talked about moving in together, I warned him that my vote would have 90% weight on all decor decisions. I did it jokingly and yet very seriously. It worked. 🙂 But he is very easy-going and wonderful.
Oh man, I lived with a guy in college who would party all night long in the wee hours and invite his loud friends over when I would have to be up in the morning for class or work. Relationship doom! That kind of disrespect was a symptom of deeper issues, however. If someone is that inconsiderate, they don't really care about you in the first place. Time to go!
What funny timing this has! We just decided a week or so ago that he's moving into my apartment next month.
This is my first real experience living with a significant other. I lived with an ex at his grandmother's right after I moved back to my home state. I didn't have a job just yet and my dad was dying so finding one immediately was not a huge priority to me. Living with her made sense.
My partner and I actually have seperate bedrooms. That's part of our compromise! He has severe PTSD and nightmares (and fights and kicks and punches in his sleep) so we cuddle a LOT while we are both awake and then at night I can fall asleep in my nice, soft bed with a billion blankets (I am always cold) and he can fall asleep on his futon with his single light blanket (he's always too warm) – and we're both happy 🙂 We moved in together 9 months into our relationship and split the costs of rent, food and everything down the middle. Now we're engaged 🙂 He cooks and I do the dishes