This is the story of Autumn and her sexual history. I realize that some readers might take issue with Autumn’s choices, or tie sexual behavior to ethics or morals. While you are free to disagree (respectfully! articulately!) any inflammatory, aggressive comments will be deleted. Just as a point of reference, based on this 2007 study, 9% of American had more than 15 partners.
Tell us a bit about yourself!
I am a 28-year-old California native. I think it’s relevant to understand that my parents were young, optimistic, hippies. They got married six days after they met! Because my father was enlisted in the military, I grew up in a very nomadic fashion bouncing between the two coasts and multiple states in between.
When I was 12, my father finished his service and my parents divorced and we settled back in California. As an adult, I worked a corporate job attending college and, upon graduation, moved overseas to South Korea. I’ve spent the last three years teaching English in Asia and have just recently moved back to America.
When you were growing up, what were your thoughts on sex?
I can remember always being fascinated by sexuality but I don’t think I associated it with the act of sex when I was young. I collected pictures: pinups, Jane Russel with tousled hair and a shirt slipping down her shoulder, Sinatra rakishly looking out from under the brim of a fedora. The images of confidence, charm and swagger completely mesmerized me.
At the same time, I started masturbating around seven or eight. My mother had been raised in a strict, Catholic southern family, was taught that to touch herself was sinful and I know she was very resentful of the years it took her to become comfortable with herself (I’m not implying that all Catholic families hold this view; however, I know it pertains to her family in particular.)
When she did catch me in the act for the first time I was ten there was a long conversation about how it was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of. She offered to show me her copy of “The Joy of Sex” and answer any questions I had. My father, while never completely comfortable discussing sex with his daughter, did make some awkward but well-intentioned attempts as to discuss various birds and bees as well.
When did you start having sex?
The first time I tried to have sex I was thirteen. It was with a boy in my neighborhood and was really just experimenting. It was uncomfortable so we stopped. Nearly a year later I dated someone I liked in that heady, twitterpated way you only can as a teenager and we succeeded after several fumbling attempts.
After my initial experiment, I had gone to Planned Parenthood for birth control and we used a condom. I felt no pressure to have sex whatsoever, if anything was the more forward of the two, and have nothing but fond memories of the experience.
How did you come to have so many sexual partners?
I think it mostly pertains to being single for long periods. I have been sexually active for nearly fifteen years. Over that time, nearly six years have been spent in monogamous relationships.
I have never kept a list or names or partners; however, after a conversation with a close friend, jotted down the experiences I remembered and estimated my activity over the years and came to the conclusion I have had between eighty and ninety partners.
That’s roughly ten per year, or less than one a month so really, there are people in long-term relationships who have had far more sex. I feel it’s important to express that the how, or why, of it is not consistent: I had multiple partners as a teenager for different reasons than in later years.
How does one go about finding 70+ sexual partners? To what do you attribute your success with the opposite sex?
When I was young (and I know some will argue too young) it was an interesting experiment, a way to build a connection with someone. I was an only child who had been ricocheting across the country for years and felt a driving desire to connect. I wanted to know what sexuality was about, what this secret, adult act was.
As I got older I wanted to explore my body. In my impressionable late teens, I didn’t understand why sex didn’t make me moan and writhe like women in the movies. There were times of insecurity and need for validation.
I hope you won’t think I’m naive when I say I don’t think those emotions were related strictly to the early age or frequency with which I was sexually active, but simply the byproduct of youth. There was also the times of simply being young, carefree, and around beautiful young men.
I don’t know if I’d call it success! It’s not very difficult to find a young man willing to have sex, they’re not known for their propriety. 🙂 During the majority of my activity I wasn’t looking for quality of character, I wanted excitement and I think that opened up a great many more options. I used online dating for a period, Craigslist as well; but, mostly met people while out and about. I’m fairly outgoing and gregarious and have always enjoyed meeting new people.
Have you ever thought about the reasoning behind your sexual activity? Why were you interested in sleeping with 70+ people?
I’ve spent a good deal of time attempting introspection at my motivation. I think, as I mentioned briefly above, the carefree and body-positive values instilled in me as a child combined with a strong curiosity about sexuality and a desire to meet and connect with people led to the number of partners I’ve slept with.
It was certainly never a goal and, truth be told, was briefly balked at when realized. I have very few negative memories associated with partners so I can’t say that I wish that I’d waited. Though if I’d been a bit more discerning I probably would have saved my mother a few grey hairs.
The reasons for sleeping with any partner have always included attraction and the desire to experience the person intimately, although I’m sure other reasons could be inferred by those wiser than myself. 🙂
Many people associate sex with intimacy. Do you?
I very much associate sex with intimacy. I would say that in previous years my idea of intimacy itself was skewed and that you can only explore in others to the depths you’ve ventured internally; however, an affectionate and familiar interaction was always the goal even in, ahem, short-term engagements.
What are the benefits to having had 70+ sexual partners? The drawbacks?
The stories! I have some hilarious stories. Strange, awkward, fun, some romantic, some cringe-worthy, and some endearing even in their forgettable-ness. I learned that no matter the pomp and swagger, everyone has fears when naked.
Everyone struggles and fumbles, “movie sex” rarely happens, certain positions are better left as page fillers for naughty calenders – and that one position, the one with your bum up in the air, will almost always make that noise and there’s no way to stop it so you might as well laugh. I learned to be comfortable with strangers and appreciate the weird and fantastical bits of different bodies that clothing hides.
I think it’s funny that a partner may be intimidated if he asks my “number” but it has made me so much more understanding of the great variety of bodies, preferences and most importantly, hilarious things that can go wrong.
The drawbacks? A fair number of broken hearts and bad poetry have come out of my dalliances. Experience taught me what common sense failed to: Just because you aim to care for or treat someone respectfully doesn’t obligate them to return the favor. That isn’t to say I wanted reciprocated emotions from everyone I’ve slept with, but there were times I confused intimacy and sex and learned the hard way.
I don’t want to sound like I’m encouraging young girls to hop from bed to bed, but I truly haven’t experienced a multitude of drawbacks simply from promiscuity.
What’s your relationship status now?
I’ve recently started dating a really lovely man. I’ve had my fill of short-term affairs, having learned that for me the passionate excitement I feel with a new partner, while fantastic, is no longer as satisfying as a more practiced and intimate understanding of someone.
It’s become more fun to know what my partner enjoys than awkwardly wondering where this person’s hand is going or be caught off guard in the realization that when they asked for a pair of thigh highs, it was for them. Predictability is nice too. 🙂
Does 70+ seem like a particularly high number to you? Any (respectful!) questions for Autumn?
P.S. True Story: I waited till marriage to have sex + True Story: I’m 23 and I’ve never been kissed
Interesting read! Thanks for sharing, Autumn! I don't know how many sexual partners I have had at this advanced age of 42, but in the last 6 months I have been with at least 7 women. In fact, the more I think about it, I have probably been with around 10 different women, maybe more in 2011, to include my late girlfriend. When I say that I have been with them, fellatio only exploits are included (does that count)? These numbers are not a source of pride or a reason to boast, in fact, my behavior can be considered reckless and dangerous in this day and age of HIV, although, I do use condoms. Why so many? Good question… the first thing that comes to mind is I love being with different women and that sex with my girlfriend was no longer exciting for me and was a labor of love. But there is more to it than that, I have never really been monogamous. My first sexual experience happen before I was 10 years old, she "put it in" and I humped and then she said that was enough. I never had sex again until i was in 10th grade so maybe I was 15. While in the Marines, we traveled to foreign lands where controlled and illegal prostitution was readily available, so do they count? By most standards, I should be married with children… in fact, I have never been so much as engaged formally. 2011 was not the norm for me in terms of numbers, I was added to a group on Facebook around July and I met at least 6 or 7 women on there. I would like to know the reason I am like this…hhhhmmmm… interesting read… now you have got me thinking. Cheers!
Great article ms. Von!
I think it's very important that it is emphasised that having had more sexual partners than fingers and toes ( 😉 ) isn't always a sign of underlying issues. It can also happen out of circumstances and curiosity. Sometimes loose moral creates fun and and an interesting life with many memorable experiences!
(Also, I 'blame' SATC for the sense of 'permission' it gave us)
I am about to marry a woman I have known for 20 years. We dated, broke up, married others, divorced and rediscovered each other in a spectacular way. We’ve both had lots of sexual partners, but Julie – a serious college athlete in her day – has always seen sex as a natural human need. Rejecting what call “transactional sex” (getting or expecting something other than the physical or emotional pleasure from the intimacy – from being loved or deeming yourself attractive to material benefits, a trade), she has had sex for four basic reasons only: it feels good and I want it from that attractive man, to create a child, simple curiosity and expressing love. She regrets nothing. I have more regrets than she does. She was never rejected. And she never cared if anyone knew about her lusty past.
She is so much more moral, honest and transparent than anyone I know, my best friend, an incredible lover and I trust her on levels I have never experienced. I respect her more than anyone I have ever met. She is a great mom, a successful professional and a responsible partner.
Knowing her as I do now, I believe that her evolution, maturity and joyful sex are life affirming and filled with integrity.
For men and women who count the the number of sexual experiences their partner has had as the determinant attribute for commitment, without knowing more, you probably don’t deserve that partner. I have learned so much about being true to yourself, to nature and to be honest and transparent, Trust is born there. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. I lucked out!
When I hear a high number like that I cringe a little – not because they (Autumn) have actually had sex with so many people (70 is quite a lot to me) but because in this day and age 1 out of 4 college students has an STD. When you are having so many sexual interactions, the odds of performing absolutely safe sex every time are fairly low – According to the Cornell Daily Sun,
Only 54 percent of students regularly use condoms during vaginal intercourse, 29 percent during anal intercourse and only 4 percent during oral sex.
That's kind of freaky, because when you have sex with someone, you're not just having sex with them, you're having sex with every person they've ever had sex with! Not to mention people are not always honest with their partners, especially in casual sexual interactions.
So to me, having so many sexual partners just doesn't seem like a smart idea when it comes down to the overall picture of your health. One accident can leave you with a disease you'll have for the rest of your life. And although I have friends who have only had one or two partners, but have still contracted a STD, the odds of getting one just seem to increase exponentially the more partners you've had.
and apparently I'm going out on a limb here by not posting anon!
I too had sex with over 70 people. but that doesn't mean that you automatically get deseases. Like you said, one accident is enough to get sick. Just because I've had so many sexpartners, doesn't mean I don't think about my health. I used protection every time. And I'm still healthy. No deseases
I've had sexual intercourse with between 70 – 100 men. This does not mean I don't respect my body. My body is a temple which likes to experiment and have fun. I respect myself in the sense that I WILL always use protection with every man I sleep with. (and I go for a checkup after each man anyway.. That's a lot of nurse visits haha) but I'm clean.. And it just shows that just because a woman has had a bunch of sexual partners, does not mean.she is a "hoe" or she doesn't respect herself. I love to meet new guys, and experience new ways of fun. I'm only in my 20's and I would love to settle down once I find a guy I feel is serious. 🙂
I think this is normal. You can get 40 a year just by choosing one every weekend.
I need to catch up.
I'm overjoyed to see an interview like this! I love seeing unapologetic, sex-positive content on blogs I already like and admire.
The only thing that's missing here, for me, is an acknowledgement of how often you get tested, etc., and whether you've had any scares as far as STIs go. Given what you've said about visiting PP at such a young age, I do believe you're a smart, responsible partner. While I do think it's entirely possible to have a lot of partners and avoid catching something nasty, some sort of acknowledgement of how you might have done that would be an excellent addition here.
But I did really love the point about number of partners not being to blame for the kind of broken hearts that come with being a certain age – I've known girls who had never had sex who fell just as hard (and stupidly) for guys as the girls who had a lot more experience.
Thank you so much for posting this, ladies!
This was definitely an interesting article. I disagree with her actions, but I'm not going to say much more than that. I guess only because I married someone who had 22 partners other than me, whereas I only had 3 others. I tend to get really insecure over knowing my partner's extensive history — especially compared to mine. It's brought a lot of damage and scars into our marriage and it's taken a LOT of work for us to both heal and get bast his previous "escapades," if you will.
I guess different people just have different views on sleeping with a vast variety of people and once you do decide to engage in a long term relationship with someone, it's important to find someone who shares your beliefs on this and doesn't mind the number of people you've shared a bed with.
I agree. Having too many partners will only burn out the passion of marriage. Yes, it's still doable to make it work but hard.
Hahaha… disagree!! I’ve had MANY partners in my past… and it has only strengthened the relationship I’ve been in for the past 3 years.. because I’ve been with so many the curiosity is completely gone and I have no desire for unemotional flings.. I now appreciate this connection I have with my current husband more than I could ever imagine.
Totally Agree! I was a Virgin and my husband had 5 partners. It’s caused a lot damage and brokenness in our marriage and is taking a lot of time, work, and healing.
Yes.. I Remember the days when I had been with only a few people .. I was naive and insecure because I had no clue about the reality of what was offered out there.. the more experience I have had sexually the more secure I have become.
How have you been able to cope with him having had sex with those partners. My story…. Hello, recently an old childhood best friend whom I haven’t seen nor spoken to for the last 16 years reached out to my sister in searched of me. At first I was puzzled, knowing the past history of why we stopped being friend, before I left town we got to an altercation, and he pushed me due to him hearing I allegedly was talking to another boy (silly right). But I reached out to him b/c I felt like it was the right thing to do and plus I was kind of glad in some ways, it’s been so long. I was 10 yrs old last time we came in contact before the whole scenario played out. Now recently while we were talking, we were discussing how many sex partners we’ve had? I myself have had 4 , and his turn came he revealed that he’s had sex with over 200 + women. I was baffled, mad, hurted, everything that could go wrong went wrong at this particular moment. To be honest we were started to bond romantically although we’re 1000 of miles away, we were talking everyday, we even talked about settling down together in the future well mostly him b/c I am in 9 yrs relationship. He even told me he wanted to marry me and have kids. He told me he loves me all the times and I haven’t told him those things back b/c I am in a relationship. I’ve caught him in several lies within the 3 weeks we were talking. Anyhow, after hearing of his 200+ sex partners, I stopped all form of contacts with him. I don’t think I can let this go. I’ve never had happened to me before, and I am a christian but I am judging still I feel like this is too much. I don’t even think I can ever remain his friend, so what’s the best advice you can give me. I am so heartbroken
Though I would never be able to be this sexually active since I have to have a connection with the person in a relationship to actually be attracted to the guy, I don't see anything wrong with this. As she said…it comes to 10 per year and if she were in a relationship, she would be having far more sex.
Multiple sessions of sex with the same partner is totally different then putting yourself out there with random people each time.
So if I had sex 100 times in a year with my wife and you had sex 100 times in a year with total strangers how is that similar? How are the variables the same? How is that commitment? The comparison is laughable.
Oh Autumn, we are one soul in two bodies. I'm 24 and have had over 30 partners – male, female, met in real life and on craigslist…it's fun to see some one else lives a similar life. I was also one to begin masturbating when I was very very young. It's funny that some people don't believe that, and I giggle when I remember that I would be thinking about steamy make out scenes (read: Kate & Leo in titanic) while touching myself. Oh to be young again.
Thank you for sharing such a positive story.
Kudos to you for being comfortable in your own skin! Stay safe girl. Good read!
This makes me sad, purely for that fact that my husband and I were each others' first. I know the joy that comes from saving yourself til marriage and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I know not everyone has the same opinion as me, but I feel like I need to express my own, very different opinion on sex. It's the most intimate thing you can do with another person. Love is crucial to sex, I believe. This is a serious, and not meant to be offensive question. How can you have had so many sexual partners and still feel that sex is special, intimate, and not something that's just not a big deal?
Kristie, with all due respect, that argument could count for so many things in life. Is baby number one more special than the rest because he/she was first? Giving birth is an intimate, spectacular act, but if you give birth more than once, are all the other babies cheapened as a result? Of course not!
If you and your husband were to gradually grow apart and opt to divorce – and if you were so fortunate as to meet another man and realise he's your new 'the one' – would sex be that much less special to you, because you'd already had sex with one other? You can't put a number on when special is no longer special. Especially to anyone but yourself.
I think what it boils down too, is most people that have casual sex, has very little relationship with the other person and or not know them at all.
What a great story! I can relate, at age 20 I have had around 35 partners (I worked it out to a new partner every two months since I started being sexually active). It's a little bit strange, especially since I live in a fairly small town and have definitely been with more people than anyone I've ever talked to about it. I just don't believe that intercourse is a "sacred" thing… I bone for my enjoyment! It's a very special thing to share an intimate moment with somebody, and I find that absolutely everyone is different. It gets no less amazing to me as time progresses. In fact, as I grow older and more experienced, I learn more about my body and can explore further into the things that give me pleasure. Anyways, it's fascinating to read the story of someone to whom I can relate to so well! Thank you for sharing and making some people feel a little less …alone?
Like JoAnna I feel like a question on STI's was missing.
I got herpes the first time I ever had sex, from oral sex (6 months ago), I can't imagine how someone with so many partners could be so lucky as to not have come across it.
Do you ask each partner about their STI status? Including cold sores?
Have you ever ever had sex with someone you knew had an STI?
Herpes particularly interests me for obvious reasons… so would someone telling you they had it make you walk away?
My wife had 63 partners before she decided to settle with me and decided to never tell me she got herpes while freely giving her body away just to come and poison mine.
Yes, I have a question.
How did you know to masterbate at 7-8? were you taught by someone? Did you read something? Did you watch something?
I ask this because I started at 9, but only because I was molested by an adult, my stepfather. Porn was a staple in my brothers rooms. Cable TV was the thing as well at the time. Yes, late 70's. Yet there is a difference in after experiences as well. I really wanted to know more and have sex, yet due to family counseling and torn feelings I became reserved , not one to date much. Am married now and have what I think as wonderful sex but I always wonder what it would be like if I was allowed to like it when I was younger. Wendy
This sounds quite familiar. I'm 23, have had about 70 partners(male, female, etc.), have always had safe sex(there's been 2 morning-after pill moments due to obvious and/or fear of broken condoms, condoms on shared sextoys), been for check-ups twice a year if I haven't had any symptoms/been engaging in the occasional unprotected oral sex. I have never had an STI(last check-up 3 weeks ago).
I have also moved around a lot, masturbated at an early age(no, no one taught me), and have never had an experience I truly regret – though a couple have been a little unsatisfying/awkward. I did spend my first 18 months of being sexually active in a monogamous, healthy relationship in which I gained a lot of sexual confidence.
Travelling's been a big part of my life, and I have moved around a lot, so bringing a partner has rarely been an option. I am now in a new relationship(2 months), and I'm trying out monogamy for a while again.
I honestly think there's nothing wrong with having sex with multiple partners as long as you're clear(with yourself and others) about what you want, when you want it and that the other partner(s) are on the same page. Share the love, but stay safe!
That's fine I have had over twenty in the past year and about one hundred over my lifetime.
Woww. I thought I was high. 19 guys at 20. I still think badly of myself. I wish I could see the good in it. But I wish I could take them all back except for 1 . 🙁
Im 19 and had sex with 14 guys. I recentally had unprotected sex in a one night stand and am freaking out. Hes more 4th or 5th ive had unprotected sex with. Someties you get caught in a moment
Bri………. You see, there is only one way to get experience and you did it. Too bad you judge yourself so harshly. I did too, but now see that my experience has allowed my partner to a more enjoyable experience. It will pay off sometime.
Your experience has allowed your partner to a more enjoyable experience? So, as suppose those who never tried it until marriage…how would they know their bad or good experiences when they have a lifetime to make sex enjoyable for that one person. I don't think sleeping too many guys justifies anything on being great in bed. the fact that you have to compare to the next person doesn't show a good sign for the guy you're with. Next thing you know…you get sick of him, too.
Theres definitely a way better way to get experiance and that’s being safe and learning and experiencing with one partner. Then you dont have to keep learning new things for new people. Quit trying to justify being a whore with stupid reasons. People dont go to a new school every month for the experiance do they?!?! Holy crap people use some common sense.
Im 67 and have had 60 or so partners. However, since 1978 Ive only had 5, due to sobriety and growing up. I used to cheat but since sobering up, have remained faithful. Im not against further efforts, but have met an amazing lady who at 70 was just finding out about real sexual intimacy and satisfaction. Im her second, she has never asked how many, and I dont intend to tell her unless she asks. Tho in the 60s and 70s I wasnt worried about STDs, since gon. or syphilis was the worst, and penicillin was king. Now however its way more dangerous, especially for me as I have a lung transplant and am immune compromised. To those who missed out on the Sexual Revolution, the quick n easy days are gone. I hate condoms but would use them if I were dating now.
I have always been aware of sex, from hearing and sometimes watching my parents copulating while I was in an adjoining alcove in my crib separated by only a curtain ….I must have been two or three….to going into a garage with three older girls and being told to place my penis inside the leader's vagina….all because her older sister told her that was what men and women did…..not all that satisfactory for her or me but at the age of five you do not dare complain…..and it is something that I still think about with a smile….up to that point it was me peeing and they taking turns holding my small member while I did the call to nature….then I watched as each squatted and left a puddle on the ground behind that garage….By the time that I was twenty six I had had sex with about forty to fifty different women…..I know that this sounds high but if you do the math that is 5.5 new woman per year…..or one every 2.1 months….this during the 50,s when playing the field was accepted practice….sex was satisfying and in most cases intimate….but in my case not something to be saved for that one special person….and I need to take in the fact that if dealing with fifty, I only had repeated sex with twenty…..still high by some standards but not out of control…..so 30 times once plus say 200 individual events…equals about 230 times that I have had sex with a female prior to marriage at twenty six…..My wife on the other hand at the age of eighteen only had sex with her high school boyfriend and felt that she had missed something …and there was a slight feeling that my fifty to her one was unfair…..that was till I found out that she and her boyfriend had done the deed over a two year period approximately 200 times…..So is there really that great a difference…..she had so so sex with one while I sampled the fantastic to the mundane with the fifty…..I loved sex and I now realize that my wife did too….so after fifty three years of marriage averaging five or more times a week we have sex with each other more than 13,780 times and all of it nice to great…..If we were not afraid that it would harm our marriage we would try others but in a together thing….Not something that I would expect to ever happen as I am now eighty and she is seventy three…..but it is a shared fantasy.
I don't know about you but it's going a sad day for you as you're about to lay on your death bed and looking back to say to yourself, "oh, I had sex with so many partners." What a stupid way to go. You wonder why men abuse and use em' and, yet, many women complain. Maybe you don't but I don't find it to be a compliment if a woman were to be with a guy-or the vice versa- comparing that person to their other sexual partners.
I can tell you this for a fact…you're marriage will fail because of this reason and, unless, you stay single, you'll never be satisfied, which is why you go from one partner and on to the next. There are those that screw up in order to achieve something in life..then there are those who are just mischievous, which leads to no where and-more likely- people wouldn't care about down the road. Just a one hit wonder. You're only moment of fame.
I find it funny those who are like you have no class. At least, you can try to achieve something wonders (like Howard Hughes) and still have your crazy rendezvous. Unfortunately, the stories are always the same; have sex in your teens and 20s, then find a job and settle down and all live happily ever after. …haha, yeah right.
Oh, if you are also going to ASSUME that I'm jealous (typical for people like you to think that way) then you must think I want to be as shallow as you. I can only wonder what you do in your spare time…which is probably nothing. I'm sure this was your dream from childhood, "I'm going to have sex with so many people when I grow up."
…Sad but good luck.
^^ ick. What a narrow point of view
I agree. Using a calculator to determine your sex life is pretty shallow. Italian women value relationships and men much more than american women. I’m glad i lived in italy for a long time.
Funny you mention deathbed. I don’t want to be on mine and wish I had had more sex. I have no regrets and refuse to let society make me feel guilty about something that I don’t. Humans are gene machines. Our purpose is to recreate. Monogamy is a social construct and not all that natural in the natural world. You seem very angry about someone else’s choice. A person you don’t know. It seems strange to me that you’d put so much work into expressing your anger when she doesn’t care what you think.
My high school sweetheart introduced me to the joy of sharing her body with other men. We were together for 12you years after. My ex and my now present wives opened their minds (and legs) to the idea also and that was how my wife surprised me on our 15thway anniversary. As long as everyone involved is ok, what they do together is their business. Also, i owe the oppurtunities to raise 2 wonderful daughters to other mens sperm. I cant get a woman pregnant.
As woman we will always be judged by the number of sexual partners we have. It's quite sad that we are told to beat ourselves up over it. I'm going on 25 and have had about 40 partners. By the time I met my highschool sweetheart I was 15 and he was #5. I was his first. We were on and off for years so when we would be on bad terms I would look for love in the wrong places. We have been together a total of ten years but only been doing really well the last three. Which is also when I stopped having sex with others. It is a new year and I finally felt it was time to confess to my love about my past that haunted me. He was upset but was alot more mature about it than I thought he'd be. I feel terrible because even though he pushed me away so many times growing up to be with other girls, he never had sex with them. Which is mind blowing. But nonetheless, he says he will accept it and stay with me because I didn't cheat. It feels good to get things off the chest. So these last couple of years have made us stronger than ever and we have changed for the better…
Not sure where all you multiple partner ladies were when I was looking, but I would love to be with one who’s had at least that many, to me it’s comforting and exciting. Current partner has had only 20 wish she had had more. I knew a girl whose had over 200 but we were good friends and she didn’t want to break that bond and be one with benefits. Thanks for your story Autum.
I think its kind of disgusting that these girls have so many sexual partners. Then they get older and they look to the type of nice guy they rejected when younger and want to start a family with them. They don’t understand why a man with 50 partners. Sex is a huge part of intimacy, and when you’ve shared that with so many people, how can you expect you to have enough left over to share with one man? I’ve seen so many marriages fail because of stuff like this. I’ll be at the bars with a friend after a tough divorce when the truth comes out… she was his 3rd, 4th, 10th, but he was her 40th, 80th, 200th… he didnt think it was a problem going into the marriage, she guaranteed it wasnt and she could give all of herself to him. If the woman doesnt end up cheating (very common in women with so many partners) then it just falls apart. Friends who are closer matches are always better. Huge differences in numbers of partners lead to jealousy and resentment. Marriages in which the men have high numbers and so do the women are usually fine, I know a couple who has been together 30 years and they were both eachother’s 100-something partner. But based on my experience, it wouldn’t work if the man or woman had only 5 partners. All those relationships that I’ve seen end and the guy always feels worse because of it – like his now ex-wife is going to go sleep with another 100 guys (and sorry, probably will).
The sexual revolution is not something that IMO should be applauded. It’s destroyed family values and led the way towards pure, unregulted hedonism, which causes many people to be hurt and justifies all sorts of wanton acts. It’s a shame, really…
WOW!! This was an amazing article. Im one who has live a very promiscuous lifestyle. That continues to hunt me for the bad choices I have made. I never asked for a promiscuous lifestyle nor was thrilled about it; but it was all made from bad choices, immaturity and just self fulfillment. I’m glad you were able to be brave & share your story with the world. Thanks for sharing!
Found this through a link on another true story post. I’m in much the same boat number wise. For context I’m 36 and had my first sexual encounter at age 21. My experiences so far;
1) protection usually, exceptions for oral case by case
2) regular STD checks
3) talk about STD risk with partners
4) never talk specific numbers with a partner. I will discuss history and risk factors but I will never admit my number. Truth be told, I’d have to really think and would probably only get a estimate at my actual number
I regret none of my actions. My theory is if you’re judging me by my number you darn well better be judging the men who have high numbers by the same standard.
Lol. I find it in bad taste that you wouldn’t tell your partner the number even if he asked. It’s up to you to have multiple partners but it’s up to him to decide if he wants to be with you even after that.
Oh please…I almost dated this girl ( Let’s call her V.D.) who was stunning and pursued me…then as we were getting to know each other, she suddenly told me that she wanted to talk about our pasts. She said that she had had sex with a new male every month for 5 years, and would that get in the way of our growing relationship. Yeah, that was a problem alright. 60 partners, and she was only talking the last 5 years. At first I thought V.D. was joking, but she was apparently serious, and so was I as I ran away from her. She was 30 at that time, 20 years ago. I still get the willies thinking of her. I heard she’s been working in television.
70 by your age seems demure in comparison.
It’s not an everyday thing that people are honest and open about their past and the things they’ve done. I can’t help but respect your honesty, Autumn. I too am a female too who slept with about 60 maybe 65 different people (men & women) now being in my mid-twenties I did aloooot of self realizing and looked back at all the shit I done and the people I done….lol. Not really funny, but I can’t help but have a good sense of humor about it. I can’t say I regret every decision I made, but i’m certainly not proud of it either. I will say alot of partying & alcohol was involved and alot of socializing with different people, but at the end of the day it’s on me and I have no one else to blame. Now in life i’ve been with the same man for over a year now, hardly go out, hardly drink, don’t fuck around with drugs, I keep to myself and focus on the more important things in life. So far that all has been the BEST decisions of my life and honestly I feel so much better about life and deep down about myself. It almost feels like I have recovered from an old me, sounds lame as hell, but I can’t help feel the way I feel. At the end of the day, the past is the past and no one should continously feel ashamed or terrible for what they did, I mean unless you continue to do bad things, other than that we are free to make choices and grow from them. ♡
I’m 33 an have had at least 80 m/f partners I started hvn sex at 13 an was married 14 yes in which I only had sex with him
Well well well…..Im 22 and I’ve has sex with 21 guys more than half were once and never again…the thing is…we can’t change the past…even if that number would be perceived as high…it can’t be reduced so i just have to live with it…my question is…if you were interested in getting married to a guy would you tell him you slept with 21 people in your lifetime or is it better to not say….what he doesn’t kno can’t hurt him….right
It will come out one day. Why start what should be the most honest relationship in your life with a lie? If he loves you and has the same values as you it wont matter and he will probably be happy that you’re experienced and can actually treat him right and do things correctly. Wont have to potty train a new puppy. But for gods sake dont lie right off the bat. My wife slept with 63 people before me and never told me. We started having relationship issues a few years ago where she has stopped being intimate at all and wont even let me hold her and basically whenever we have sex its business let’s get this done and move on. No live or connection in it because she is used to banging out dudes and getting the next one in there. So no I dont think having tons of sexual partners is and at all! Lmao
A good story and honest. I have had very few sex partners, fewer than 10 but that is due to a repressed strict up bringing. I think a person should enjoy and learn all they can about others yes including sexual intimacy. I respect people and believe that if one respects and cares for a partner, their previous history sexual and other is appreciated as having made them who they are. I am divorced because I do not believe any one should be trapped in a situation with someone they do not want to be with not even for the children. I would say be true to yourself, experiment with an open mind, look after your health and respect your partners. I encourage my partner to feel free and should she be intimate with another I would not worry. People we enjoy come along while we are single or partnered and sex is just one more part of a relationship. One does not own ones partner but is their for a time to help them develop and should provide them a safe space to do so (in my opinion).
I’m 32, and have slept with over 65 men. Decided to write them down but I’m sure it’s more cos some I can remember the place but can’t remember with who.
Mine wasn’t exploring, I was seeking for love. But I did it wrong. I became addicted to porn after my first boyfriend broke my heart and within two years I slept with over 69 years. All of them just once.
Grew up without a father, no love at home and I think I sort love in the wrong place. Now at my age still no boyfriend. And oh, I’ve never had a relationship longer than 3 weeks. Except my first relationship. I regret it and I just want to forget it all and move on and find one man to love and have him love me
Ive had sex with between 50 and 60 men. This behavior is mainly attributed to my alcoholism and lustful spirit. I believe anyone who engages in this kind of behavior has have to have a sexual addiction/ depression / anxiety i dont see it any other way.
Oh and btw i am also 28 years old and yes I completely agree with you it is extremely easy for women to find men to sleep with when they have this particular problem which does not help the situation at all.