List 13: Things That Are Annoying (Unless You’re The One Doing It)

A million years ago I contributed to a now-defunct blog called The Secret Society of List Addicts. This post originally appeared there.

Come now, you know exactly what I’m
talking about. That stuff that you see that makes you strain your
eyeballs with all the rolling, but when you yourself are in the midst of
it? Best. thing. ever.Those mass bike rides
Witnessed: You’re stuck in traffic as you watch a bunch of hippies glide by on their painfully hip and meticulously maintained vintage bikes. And you’re stuck in traffic specifically because of them!
You’re gliding by all those suckers in cars, for once not afraid of
being run over by an SUV driver who’s distracted by her cell
phone/Starbucks/nail polish.Bachelorette parties
Witnessed: The screaming! The penis whistles! The huge group of drunk girls in themed outfits! It’s all a bit too much.
Experienced: The screaming! The penis whistles! Being drunk with all of your girlfriends! While wearing your old prom dress! Too awesome.Being (by far) the tallest person in the crowd
Dude, I am going to punch you in your selfish face for blocking my view of the stage.

Experienced: “Wow, I can see everything. This is awesome.”Driving around with the bass turned way up

Witnessed: Exactly
what are you trying to prove by making your trunk vibrate, sir? I can’t
hear my tender singer-songwriters over all that thumping.
“I love this song so hard! And the only way to truly experience it is
to turn is up as loud as I can, roll my windows down and nod my head emphatically to the beat!”Wearing a band’s t-shirt to their concert, then yelling all the lyrics and jabbing your finger in the air

Are you into this band? Because I wasn’t really sure. Maybe if you got a
tattoo of one of their album covers you could get the point across more

Experienced: “I have been looking forward to this for. ever. I must communicate my love for this music in every way I know how.”What things annoy you when witnessed but float your boat when you’re doing them?




Witnessed: Ugh, seriously? Wearing your sunglasses in the bar? Have you showered this week?
Experienced: Look at my skinny jean, flowy-shirt, slouchy hat, black nerd glasses ensemble. I am so hip.


Telling stories about your pets as if they're people.

Witnessed: Oh my gosh, shut up about how your dog kind of sounds like he says a word when you hold a treat just out of his reach.
Experienced: "And then my cat slept with her head on my pillow like she thinks she's a person! She has such a funny personality."


So true! Also, pictures of people's animals on Instagram. STOP TAKING A MILLION PICTURES OF YOUR DOG, but please look at ALL OF THESE PICTURES OF MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS.


Lauren, agreed. Except for me it's "Yes I am wearing sunglasses in a bar… because they are prescriptive and I forgot my normal glasses. It's this or no vision at all"…


Telling stories about people that the people you're talking to don't know

Witnessed: Yeah, it's really great to hear that so-and-so is a kayak instructor now and that she cliff dives like every weekend.

Experienced: So-and-so is hilarious! Seriously, last weekend we were at the zoo and she did a perfect baboon mating call. One baboon ran right over to her!


Haha my friends and I always joke about "those girls," like at bachelorette parties. When you're them, you love life. When you're not them, it can be the most annoying thing imaginable! Our solution: befriend the bachelorette party 🙂

Rheel Daze

Other people's kids. Especially in bars or restaurants after a certain time. However if they're related to me, they can do no wrong and anyone who's bothered by them just needs to take the stick out of their ass.


Smacking gum. Drinking a ton of wine and laughing really hard at a nice-ish restaurant. Reclining your seat on a plane. Going to an all-inclusive resort.


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