We’ve discussed the fact that I’m in L-O-V-E with my friends.
I make an active effort to surround myself with people who fill me up and inspire me. Because I spend nearly seven days a week in the company of people I’d describe as “awesome,” I’ve had a few realizations about what that word means and how (if at all) being a great, cool human affects the rest of your life.
How awesome someone is and how awesome they think they are have very little to do with each other
My friends are smart, funny, kind, accomplished, interesting, good looking. They do fun, crazy things with their spare time, they have jobs they love and lives that excite them. And yet! Some of these people wouldn’t describe themselves using such glowing terms. They’d probably drop in a few words like “neurotic, chubby, broke, adrift.”
To which I usually cry “We don’t talk like that in this house! I’m only friends with great people and I’m friends with you!”
I’ve also encountered people (as we all do) who I wouldn’t necessarily describe as awesome. While said people probably have good qualities, I haven’t seen ’em. But it doesn’t matter! They’re pretty sure they’re awesome even as they dodge calls from Grandma and steal co-workers’ lunches from the fridge.
Even on-top-of-it, awesome people have their own insecurities and struggles. And people who don’t really meet your criteria of awesome? Well, maybe they’ve got their own criteria.
How awesome someone is and their relationship status have very little to do with each other
As noted above, I know a lot of great people. And some of these people are single. Some of them are joyfully single, some would like very much to find their proverbial lobster. Some of these fantastic people are dating people that are, perhaps, less awesome but the relationship is happy and fulfilling for both parties. (sidenote: does anyone ever really think anyone is good enough for their friends? because I rarely do!) Sometimes fantastic people date and cancel out each other and everything gets yell-y and uncomfortable.
And we all know at least one needy, immature, bad-decision making person who somehow snags a great partner. Forpetesake, Rush Limbaugh’s been married four times!
If you’re awesome and unhappily single, don’t worry. It’s not you. You’ll find somebody. If you’re awesome and in an unhappy relationship, decide if you want to work it out or leave; your amazing-ness won’t necessarily protect you from the lumps and bumps of life. If you’re awesome and you have a great partner, go high five them.
How awesome someone is and whether they’d be a good person to work for/with have very little to do with each other
The personality traits that make someone fun to be around are not always the traits that make someone a good employer/employee/co-worker. I love surrounding myself with people who are funny, adventurous, curious, and a just a little bit risk take-y. These are not the qualities I look for in an intern. I want someone who is smart, hard working, follows directions well, takes initiative, and is crazy reliable. Of course, those are nice traits in a friend as well, but I’m less concerned if my friends can figure out how to use Hootsuite.
When you’re thinking about working with a friend, realize that their ability to bring life to any party or talk you through a breakup might not always translate to pulling their weight on group projects or getting you revisions in a timely manner. And if that friendship is important to you, maybe you just shouldn’t work together.
Would you describe yourself as awesome? How does that affect (or not affect) other aspects of your life?
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Some days I feel awesome, like I could take on the world, and then other days…hmmmm…not so much – I feel broke and neurotic and all those things. The days when I feel awesome have a flipside too. They are days when I say YES YES YES to a ton of stuff I don't necessarily have the space for. And then I feel not awesome again.
The trick, I suspect, as in all things, is balance.
And I learned the heard way about mixing awesome friends and business. Did. Not. Work 🙁
Just wanted to say- SO needed this today. YOU are awesome! No YOU are! x
Oh, and I just looked up Rush Limbaugh. He is so definitely the non-awesome one, right? How do women even marry someone who said "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society" (thanks wikipedia).
Excellant post – really enjoyed reading that!!
As for the friends 'lobster' quote – never fails to make me smile!
Thank you so much for this! I am sharing far and wide for my friends who question their awesome-ness. YOU are awesome! Thank you!
Thanks so much!
For sure, we can't awesome at everything, but that's not what the game is. The most important is to use our particular awesomeness to make other people's day!
Love this post!
Awesomeness is super subjective. One person's awesome is another person's… not so awesome? And as you said, awesomeness is very contextual! Someone who's an awesome friend is not necessarily an awesome interior decorator (as a totally random example). I think the takeaway is that almost all of us are awesome at something(s), even if we're not awesome at everything. Yay!
I believe I am awesome. I do. BUT I also suffer from a food addiction and Depression. What's up with that? How can a depressed person believe they're awesome? Well, they (I, after years of seeking healing help from professionals and friends) know 1. Feelings and physical states change 2. Survival depends on communication and resisting isolation 3. Even I have an Awesome Self that gets clouded. I believe in my Awesome Self. Sometimes it's just harder to find and sustain her.
Thanks for all the positivity. It helps ignite my awesome.
This is such a fabulous blog post. You're inspiring people all over the place, and I'm happy to have stumbled upon your blog 🙂 you are awesome x
I love my awesome friends too! I disagree on one point. MOST (not all, but most) of my awesome friends have equally awesome partners! Usually when I hear a friend has a new boyfriend, I'm like "not good enough for you" but almost always they prove me wrong. I genuinely love the boyfriends/husbands of most of my friends and they love mine too. I hate when my friends marry people my husband doesn't like because then we don't get to do couples activities as much. Anyway yay for awesome people!
I have always played it a little safe with my bestest of friends and not lived with them (like in college, right after college), similar to like what you said with working with a friend. Those friendships are the most important to me, and I want to preserve them, and I was always afraid living together may drive a wrench into that. We always happily lived apart!
I have some pretty awesome friends; the problem is they are located in various locations around the world. I'm trying to get better at attracting awesome friends where I am… I've been a little isolated and exhausted from constantly saying good-bye to people, but like you said, your life is so much better when you're surrounded by people who you love and are bright and happy. It can happen for all of us (or at least, we can find people who really connect with us; some people aren't looking for bright and happy) but it takes a LOT of effort. I'm finally getting a place where I'm ready to make it. Thanks for this post! 🙂
You just sing, Ms. Von. This was pitch perfect, thank you.
Very well said. Thanks for the reminder.
For me, awesomeness is being a good person, and I'm awesome according to this personal criteria. However, another person's awesome might be my abilities to help someone live off the land or make medicinal herb tinctures. This might be where I'm not awesome. Awesome is indeed so subjective to everyone's personal tastes and values.