Each year I make a list of new things I want to try. Some of them are easy, some are difficult, some are shockingly mundane. You can read about previous adventures here.
those are nut chips, okay?!
Despite all my talk of carbs and cheese, I actually eat pretty healthy food. My kitchen is stocked with ridiculous things like sprouted bread and coconut oil and lentils. (Yes, I’m rolling my eyes now, too.)
I shop this way partially because I can’t be trusted around noodles and parmesan and partially because I’m vain and I want to keep wearing those jeans I bought three years ago. So if I’m already eating (fairly) healthy, why did I decide to do a cleanse?
Well, because everyone says they’re life-changing
. AND WHAT IF I’M CURRENTLY LIVING A B+ LIFE AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW IT? What if I gave up all that extra stuff and I started to levitate with joy and I never felt tired and I glowed from the inside?
With these super realistic and achievable goals in mind, my friend Nicole and I decided to do a modified five-day cleanse. I’m a vegetarian with low blood pressure and low blood sugar who’s prone to fainting, so those juice cleanses and that cayenne lemonade
foolishness was off the table. After much negotiating, Nicole and I decided on: No caffeine/alcohol/dairy/wheat/potatoes/rice/soy/processed sugar/meat for five days.Here’s how I felt physically during those five days: preeeeetty much exactly the same.
Did I feel clean and glowy on the inside? Not particularly. Did I feel energized and focused? Not any more than I usually do. I felt sort of tired and draggy but that could have been because I stayed up till 5am at Northern Spark
or because it was overcast and rainy all week.
(It should be noted that I’m really, really bad at ‘being in touch with my body.’ I once used a new machine at the gym and then spent the next three days thinking my sore muscles were the flu.)Here’s how I felt mentally during those five days: like an angry, angry troll who’s angry that she can’t just eat some toast already.
Oh, you’re going to a bbq? Guess you have to bring hummus and drink water. Oh, you’ve got a date? Guess you have to order salad and juice. Oh, it’s your favorite all-night art festival? Oh, I guess you’re going to cheat and drink a Diet Coke so you can stay up till 5am.
Of course, this experiment wasn’t without merit.
I discovered some awesome new recipes (nectarines + avocado fruit dip
! chocolate almond milk chia seed pudding
!)But somewhere around the time that I found myself eating nutritional yeast by the spoonful, I thought “Hmmm, deprivation? Maybe it’s not for me.”
Have you ever done a cleanse? How did it go? And if you’ve got any great gluten-free, dairy-free recipes share them in the comments!