True Story: I’m A Single Mom

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things.  This is the story of Maggie and her son, Ian.

Tell us a bit about yourself!
I’m Maggie Skinner. I have a 6-year-old son named Ian. I’m 24 and I’m a caseworker for the Division of Family Resources in Lafayette, Indiana. If you don’t know what DFR means- it’s basically welfare. I help people get TANF, food stamps and Medicaid. I also have my own event-planning business.

For fun, I spend time with my son (So, I’m pretty much ALWAYS having fun! haha), go to movies, bake, go to shows, hang out with my friends and cleaning the kitchen has become pretty fun for me as well.

What was your relationship with your son’s father like before you got pregnant?
*Sigh* I wish I could say that I knew him better and that we were in love, but that’s just not how real life works out. I was 17-years-old, senior in high school, dreams of culinary school in Manhattan. He was the bad boy, older, tattoos, had a job, had nice teeth (I have a thing for smiles) and back then stakes weren’t high. We weren’t together very long and had never talked about having children. Most 17-year-olds don’t.

How did he react when you told him you were pregnant?
When I told him I was pregnant he said it wasn’t his, that I was a whore and that we were over. I was devastated. I hid being pregnant for a bit after I found out. Big sweaters (it was winter), kept working and working out as much as I could. I was on crew, I had a job, lots of friends – I stayed busy. I was also trying to enlist in the Navy and was getting yelled at for gaining weight. I had to go in the recruiters office and tell them what was up and they apologized. By the time I told my mom I was pregnant, I was 18 and couldn’t hide it any longer. I spent a many nights crying myself to sleep while I felt my baby move.

How involved was he in your pregnancy?
Not at all. My mom stepped up. It was she and I against the world – still kinda is.

How many times has he seen your son?  Has he ever talked to you about why he’s not involved in your son’s life?
He’s seen his son twice but not until Ian was four years old. He says it’s because he lives in Wisconsin and we now live in Indiana. Every time he talks about getting involved in Ian’s life he brings up relationship stuff with me. “There is no ‘us’ anymore,” I tell him. He needs to focus on his son. Those words have never sunk in for him.

Can you tell us about a day in the life of a single mom?
A day in the life of a single mom…..*gulp*

I get up at 6:30 am – at the latest. I shower and get ready. By the time I’m showered and half ready, it’s time to wake Ian up. It’s about 7:15. He likes to meow and pretend he’s a kitty. So I meow back and let him know it’s about time to get up. I’ll be back in a few minutes and then he knows it’s time to get up- no fooling around. I help him get dressed if he needs it and I finish getting ready. I get him breakfast or sometimes he gets it. My boyfriend has moved in with us and started taking him to school to save me money. My boyfriend’s name is Ian as well. I wake older Ian up at 7:40.

I give hugs and kisses to the little man and I’m out the door by 7:45.

I work a full day from 8 to 4:30. Sometimes I stay till 5:00 or so until I have to pick Ian up from after care at his school. If it’s Tuesday or Thursday, I take him to karate class.

Karate ends at 6:05. After that, if I have errands we do those. Most of the time we head home, make dinner, watch part of what ever kids’ movie he wants then bath and bed.

If it’s not a karate night and it’s nice outside, we go to the park till 6:30. We play soccer, football and frisbee. Then we have dinner, do some of his phonics book and some math work, take a bath and go to bed. He’s in bed no later than 8:30.

After he’s in bed, I pick up the house, clean up, pack our lunches and if I have time I get to watch a grown-up movie or part of it. I’m usually in bed by 11:30pm.

What surprised you about single motherhood?
Maybe just that I can do it. I can really pull this off – sometimes. Money is always tight. I buy him clothes before I buy my makeup. I make sure he has everything he needs and somethings he wants. Just because you are a single mom doesn’t make you damaged goods. Your heart, soul and mind are still alive and well. You may be tired as all get out but you are still you.


What are the biggest challenges?  The biggest benefits?
Biggest challenges: finding the right kind of people you want in your life because it’s not just your life, it’s your child’s life as well. That goes for friends, boyfriends, etc. I had a hard time finding the right day job. I need something between these hours and I need to be able to take my son to the doctor if need be. Even finding a place to live is a challenge. What neighborhood is it in? Does it have a back yard? Is there room for him? What about the neighbors? How much is the rent? Etc…

Overall though, making the right decisions is a challenge. Not that I don’t know the difference between right and wrong but you have to give up so much in order to create so much more. If that makes any sense. Also, being a young single mom brings some evil looks.

Benefits? My son. I love him to pieces. Sure, he can max me out sometimes. There is crying and whining and tantrums. But he’s funny, smart, caring and he’s my snuggle bug and my fashion police. How can you not fall in love with someone who messes up the interrupting cow joke? It makes it even funnier! He does a great dragon impression and loves ice cream just as much as I do.

Are there other people in your life who help you with your son?
This list is my “If I won a Grammy, I’d thank…”
My mom- his Mimi
My boyfriend- Ian
My sister and her husband- Aunt Cake and Uncle Robber
My sister, Emily- Aunt Emily
My godparents, Melissa nad Terry and their wonderful boys
My friends, Martha, Melanie, Adrienne, Andrea, John for always helping out!
And some friends of my mothers as well, Monie, Magie and Beth
My mom’s neighbors Pete and Pam
My Uncle Jim and Aunt Annie

Are there any amazing resources that have really helped you that you can share with us?
I know that where I work now can help single moms. You just have to be honest and not play the system. Distance education isn’t such a bad way to go. It’s very doable and you can get grants so you can go to school for free. If you need help paying for your housing you can get HUD assistance. Look to your YMCA or the City of (enter your city here) for programs and fun classes for your child. Low cost and they learn. I get a single mom discount on my car insurance even!


What advice would you give to other single moms?
You can do it! Go to school. Get your education. Focus on your child(ren). Don’t play stupid relationship games, your children will be effected. Breathe. Pick your battles. Use your head.

Don’t let your child rot infront of the TV. Don’t worry if you don’t get to the laundry or dishes for a couple days. It doesn’t make you a bad mom it makes you a busy mom.

Tanning is NOT more important than buying your kids food. That last one might just be an observation from my job.

Thanks so much, Maggie!  Are any of you single moms – or raised by a single mom?  Any questions for Maggie?