Now, I don’t particularly buy into the concept of daily astrological predictions. (“You will make an important decision today,” Really? Does the decision between cheddar and Swiss in my sandwich count?)
However! I am pretty entertained by astrologically determined personality traits … largely because I am a by-the-book Virgo, ready for anything with my stash of post-its, hand sanitizer, and tiny sewing kit. And this got me wondering … how would these astrologically determined traits translate into Halloween candy choices?
Adventurous and impulsive, Aries is the girl who joyfully pockets the unwrapped candy from your creepy Boo Radley
neighbor. She might also try sucking on the nickels Old Lady Hanson is handing out or punch any untoward zombies in the throat.
Candy corn is security and reliability formed in tri-colored sugar which is perfect for tradition-loving Taurus. She’ll gladly trade you all of her yuck-o black licorice for your three pounds of candy corn.
Sweet Tarts are great for these Zodiac twins. Because they’re sweet! and tart! and sweet! and then tart again! She also loves to suck all the dye off so she can flash her creepy blue zombie tongue at all the boys.
Affectionate Cancer is holding out hope that someone has a few out-dated boxes of Valentine candy hearts for her. Then she can coyly slip them into her cutie’s candy pail and feign ignorance when they find 15 hearts that read ‘Hot Buns.’
Wax lips make for a great conversation piece and attention-getter, which Leo loves. And anything that makes a girl look a bit more like Angelina Jolie can’t be discounted. Even if it means chewing on wax all night.
M&Ms are perfect Virgo food. So clean and glossy! Conveniently melting in your mouth – not in your hand like those pesky, inconsiderate Snowcaps. M&Ms are also designed for compulsive color coding and then consumption in ascending ROYGBIV order.
Diplomatic, easy-going Libra is the friend who will trade you her king-size Butterfinger for a half eaten roll of Necco wafers. She is also the friend who wholeheartedly believes your flash-light-under-the-chin horror stories and is still a little unnerved by a darkened bathroom.
Any excuse to flirt is a good one for passionate, magnetic Scorpio. A candy necklace presents endless possibilities for strangers to nibble at her neck and use classy lines like “You look good enough to eat.”
“Where did the kittens go on their class trip? – the meow-seum.” may not be your idea of comic genius, but jovial, philosophical Sagittarius thinks Laffy Taffy is the height of hilarity. Meow-seum, indeed.
Practical, prudent Capricorn has reviewed her candy options and the caramel apple seems to be her safest bet. A bit of fiber, vitamin C and it won’t set her back toooo far at the gym.
While all her friends are fake gagging over their black licorice, independant, original Aquarius swoops in and gladly relieves them of it. Who cares if they say it’s Grandpa candy?
Swedish fish. For duh.
Contrary to my Virgo birthdate, I actually love me some Reese’s Pieces and Panda Black Licorice.
What’s your favorite Halloween candy?