Category: relationships

True Story: I Married My High School Sweetheart

Can you imagine marrying your high school sweetheart? Still like and connecting with someone you liked when you were 16? Click through for relationship tips from one woman who married her high school boyfriend.

Can you imagine marrying your high school sweetheart? Still like and connecting with someone you liked when you were 16? That’s exactly what Darcie and Chad did. This is their story.

Tell us a bit about yourself!
I’m Darcie, and I live in St. Paul. I’m thirty, work for a smallish-do-goodery-for-profit company as the sole member of the marketing team. I have hobbies, but it’s most important to know that I love: my friends and family, delicious beer, sunshiny days, sarcasm, domestic chores, black clothes and Photoshopping animals into photos of myself where I make the “HELL YES!” face and give thumbs up.

I have known my husband, Chad, for over 16 years, we’ve been together for 14, married four and a half.

How did you meet your now-husband?
When I was 14, our concert band attended a contest at a nearby school. At some point during the day there was a bomb threat (!) so we left the school to seek shelter in the church basement next door, and that is when I saw Chad for the first time.He was VERY cute, with his waist length hair, old man glasses and saggy jeans.

Those young hormones struck me and the thought, “He will be mine!” went through my brain, like that scene in Wayne’s World. That same day, a friend and I met his younger brother, she started dating said brother. Over the next two years, I crushed on other boys and heard stories about Chad second hand.

We had our first date about two weeks before my 17th birthday, which was lunch and a long talk while sitting on the dock at a park. Relatively uneventful and not particularly romantical, at the end of it I was expecting a “thanks” and a handshake. He gave me a hug and asked if we could see each other the next weekend.

When you met him, did you have any idea that you would marry him?
After our first date, I really didn’t think we’d end up as anything more than a few dates. I didn’t think he liked me as much as I liked him and I thought his acceptance of our initial date was just a courtesy to me.

Turns out he liked my combat boots, etc. etc. But I had started a residential high school program 2 hours away from where he was and we would only see each other on weekends.

This was before e-mail and cell phones, so things progressed pretty slowly and we were together for five or six months before it occurred to me that I’d really like to date him forever, if that were possible.

On some level, you essentially ‘grew up’ along side your husband. What have been the challenges that accompany that? The benefits?
I know rationally that I’ve matured since 16 and that so has he, but the honesty and loyalty we started with never got lost and I think that is a major factor in why we are happy today. Our major challenges are the ones that every couple has, I think.

That is to say, the big decisions about family, how to spend money, and where we want to live or what we want to be when we grow up. We are very luckily in agreement on nearly all of those things now, but we’ve had the big discussions about them over the years. That’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.

To me, the greatest benefit of having this partner for so many years is just that: we have so many years behind us, we have each other’s families and we are each other’s family. We are very fortunate to have chosen each other and helped each other through respective hard times: career changes, existential crises, general malaise, college, real estate purchases and so many other really, really awesome things.

I cannot believe I’ve spent almost half my life and get to share these great memories with someone so close to me, who means so much and who wants me to succeed when I feel like it’s impossible.

When did you two move in together? When did you get engaged/married?
When I graduated from high school, I moved in next door to him. We had matching studios in buildings next to each other on the same street. Eventually we decided to attend the same school out of state, lived separately on campus at a new school where we only knew each other.

I did not like the school and missed my family and decided to pursue my education as a priority, I moved to a school 1,000 miles away for a year. We didn’t ever decide to break up during this time and talked every day. During my two semesters away we decided that yes, we really liked each other, we didn’t like anybody else. We were officially engaged.

Five years into our relationship, I moved back the 1,000 miles away from our friends and family, we lived together full time for the first time. I was 21. The time we were apart was a good time for us to evaluate our relationship, and we decided together to go for it.

It was good to be engaged, and ‘serious’ about each other, but as it turned out living together made us perfectly happy and getting married wasn’t a priority. We had different ideas about our wedding and it was never worth arguing about, so we never did.

A few years after we bought our first house, he said to me, “Should we get married?” and I said, “Sure, when?” Three months after that, we had a tiny civil ceremony a dinner party with forty of our closest family members and friends.

Nine years and some months after our first date we were officially married… we acquired legal rights to each other’s life insurances, but I kept my last name and nothing much else has changed.

I would say that every part of our life together has naturally progressed and we’ve never really forced anything on each other. We have succeeded by way of compromise, trial and error, forgiveness, honesty, hugs and respect. Also, sometimes humor because there was no other option.

Did your friends/family ever encourage you to date other people? Did anyone ever express concern that you were “getting too serious, too soon?”
I don’t remember anyone ever directly or specifically telling me to or suggesting that I date other people, and I don’t think anyone ever said we were too serious, too soon.

This surely happened, and it was probably from my parents. They were not big fans of their teenage daughter having sleep overs at their house (weird). His mom asked us to sleep in separate beds at their house until I was in my 20’s, because of her religious beliefs and we (usually) always tried to oblige and be respectful.

Do you think you missed anything by not dating heaps of people?
My instinct is that I didn’t miss out on much of consequence. I think I missed out on heartbreak, and losing relationships with the family members of people I could have dated and then broken up with. From friends who dated a lot or are still dating, I seem to hear a lot of stories about how things just don’t work and how this and that is annoying or how they really like or love someone, but something fundamental is missing.

I might never have the “OMGOMGOMG FIRST KISS” insanity again, but I’ve got something I think a lot of people don’t have. It makes me really thankful and probably also makes me seem really annoying because I have no frame of reference for dating as an adult.

How do you maintain chemistry after being with someone for 14 years?
Is it lame that I keep siting “Luck” as a thing? Being a couple who loves each other isn’t easy and doesn’t come on purely by luck, but the fact that we are both stubborn to keep pushing day in and day out seems lucky.

In large part, I think our chemistry is natural. And I’ve never had the tumultuous, terrible, all encompassing, “I love you so much I want to puke” feeling with Chad that I had experienced with other people in very short-lived teenage crushes or loves. Being together is generally calming, easy-going and feels like stable ground.

Our *ahem* personal life, is just something we’re committed to, and has it’s ups and downs.. The physical chemistry in our relationship is just like any other aspect of a good relationship, it won’t always be easy or instant, but working on it together yields a greater benefit all around. And that having a very long term partner feels more amazing than any first kiss I could imagine.

The vast, vast majority of relationships that begin at 16 do not end in marriage – despite what we may think when we’re 16. What advice would you give to someone who’s interested in a long-term relationship with someone they started dating while they were young?
I believe you can’t help who you love and that sometimes it might work out despite the odds. Sometimes societal pressures might get the best of you when you are young and in love. But if you have a healthy, respectful, honest love with someone and then you should give it all you have.

Then maybe in 15 years you’ll be where my husband and I are now. People might not understand it and they might tell you that you would benefit from trying on other relationships, or they might treat you like you are naive. I would be the person inclined to remind you that some of the best things are born of what seems impossibly difficult and stupid by modern standards and then I would say something about homemade apple pie or renaissance painting and that would conclude the story.

Did any of you marry your high school sweetheart?  Did you have a high school sweetheart?  My high school sweetheart was a golden boy who looked a bit like Christian Bale!

P.S. Two other relationship interviews: an open marriage + a woman who realized she was bi after marrying a man

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

How To Set More Realistic Relationship Expectations (so you won’t end up heartbroken, annoyed, or disappointed)

realistic relationship expectations

This guest post comes to us via The Naked Redhead blogs about relationships, life
, and a million hilarious things. Go say hello!

The April issue of Psychology Today features the cover story, “You’re Driving Me Crazy: 10 Relationship Headaches and How to Fix Them.”

I only bought it because my boyfriend needed to learn him some lessons. A-hem. Right.

Anyway, the article is solid gold for any of you out there who find your partner annoying every now and again (anyone? Anyone?). Gone are the early relationship stages of picking up underwear and holding farts for days at a time, you are now in that phase of the relationship where if your partner isn’t giving you a German Steam Bath on a regular basis, he or she is at least leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or wet towels slung over the tops of doorways, or laughing shrilly in ways you never, ever imagined.

Family therapist John Van Epp says, “You don’t really live with the partner in your home. You live with the partner in your head.” I remember so many times during my marriage where I was SURE that my ex’s lack of general tidiness meant that he was trying to just piss me off. As I’ve matured a bit, I’ve come to realize that, as the article says, “Sometimes a sock on the floor is just a sock on the floor.”


Whatever. Moving on.

So, I read this article and began thinking of the things that I find annoying in my boyfriend (none, baby, none. Go have yourself some chocolate and don’t read the rest of this post). One thing we’ve been working through is his summer schedule, and how he often forgets to check in when he’s gone for the day. I don’t need to know what he’s doing at all times, but he’ll often tell me that he’ll be gone for an hour or two to play volleyball, when lo and behold, it’s eight o’clock and he’s still not home.

So, last night, after a week of much better ETA communication, this scenario happens again. He texts at 6:30 to say, “I’ll be home in a few minutes” (progress!) and wow, look at the time, it’s way past eight, no texts, no phone calls, he’s just not home.

In my head, I’m thinking of the article, that the partner in my head is just an idealized version of who my boyfriend really is, and I’m trying to be patient, and understand that he just loves his sport, and time flies, and OH GOD, I AM SO HUNGRY, PLEASE HURRY THE EFF HOME. He FINALLY calls at 8:30, and I answer with a less than pleasant, “WHAT.”

To which he responds, “Please don’t be mad, I’ve been in the back of a police cruiser for the last half hour.”

Um, the partner in my head is not a criminal…WTF?

Turns out, he was pulled over because he was leaving the outdoor courts, which also happen to be located at a bar. The cops assumed he’d been drinking, pulled him over, ran his tags, and oops! He had a warrant for his arrest from an unpaid parking ticket. So, into the back of the car he went until they could figure out what to do with this quiet guy with no priors.

Finally, they let him go, and guess what else? While he was in the car, his parents tried to call about eight times to let him know his grandma had died.

All that to say,

“Every annoyance in a relationship is really a two-way street. Partners focus on what they’re getting, not on what they’re giving. But no matter how frustrating a partner’s behavior, your interpretation is the greater part of it. What matters is the meaning you attach to it.”

So, be patient with your partner today. Are you annoyed simply because of what you’re not getting out of the relationship? What can you give instead?

P.S. How to get the love life you want + How to get over a breakup

photo by Ananda Escudero Gomes // cc

How To Move In With Your Beloved and Not Kill Them

Not sure how to move in with your boyfriend and still, you know, LIKE him? Sharing a bathroom and a fridge is no joke. Click through for solid advice! //

This guest post comes to us via the lovely and talented Corrine of Frock and Roll fame. You should pop over to her blog for inspiring posts on career, style and life.

They love you, you love them, and quite frankly, you’re growing the teeniest bit tired of being entwined in the tiring dance of hauling your belongings between their place and yours every weekend.. so kapow! It’s decided! You’re moving in together!

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! What an exciting time! But secondly, to protect the beauty of your wonderful relationship, it may be necessary to roll out the red carpet of all rules so that your time together can continue to be blissful and delightful, and not so much “uh, I’m going to KILL you”.

Here’s how to move in with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) and not kill them

Get comfortable with compromise

For a fairly small word, it sure packs a LOT of power, and it’ll quickly become your new best friend when you’re on the verge of pulling your hair out because you’d really fantasized about having a modern, romantic-style décor` in your new digs and he’s already decked out the place with an African safari theme!

Decide who pays for what and when

Will one person cover the amount of the rent each week, while the other takes care of the bills and the grocery shopping, or will you split the cost of everything?

Establishing some financial ground rules BEFORE cohabitating will avoid the likelihood of squabbling over money later, which rarely spells anything other than bo-ring and and also, di-sas-ter!

Have a basic understanding on each other’s needs

Who needs the bathroom first in the morning? What foods makes your stomach churn? And, well, now that you’ve mentioned it, who will be doing the cooking each night?!

While these may sound like obvious guidelines, it’s important to have a basic understanding of each other’s needs to ensure that you don’t have a ‘’what? But how was I supposed to know that it wasn’t a good idea to bring my friend Mark home at 3am to play loud music when you have to be up for work at 6am?!’’ scenario on your hands further down the track!

Respect each other’s space

There will be times when it will seem that no matter how much you wriggle in to snuggle with each other on the couch, you’re still too far apart. And there are others when it will seem that even spending time in a separate room from each other seems much, much too close! The solution?

Learning when a healthy dose of time-out is required! (After all, do you remember that episode of Sex & The City where Carrie first moves in with Aidan, and laments to Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha in the coffee shop that every single time she comes home he’s ‘’all up in her face’’ exclaiming “How was your day? Who did you see? What did you do? Who do you know?’’, and that, well, she was growing ever-so tired of it? Yeah. Not-so-great.)

Respecting each other’s space is all a part of maintaining the ebb and flow of a magnificent relationship, so learn when it’s time to give one another a bit of it!

Have you ever moved in with a loved one? What were/are your saving graces?

P.S. How to get the love life you want + How to set more realistic relationship expectations (so you don’t end up disappointed, annoyed, or heartbroken) 

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

Dear Dude’s Thoughts on Friendly Exes

You can go ahead and imagine this is me and Dear Dude
playing a game of ‘telephone.’ In a field.
Dear Dude is a twice-monthly column in which my good friend, The Dude, answers some of your questions about the hairier sex. Dear Dude is an industrial designer by day and a serial flirt by night. He owns entirely too many bikes and a fairly well-behaved dog. He loves good food, good music and smart ladies.
Dear Dude,
I have an ex-boyfriend who, after nearly ten years since our breakup, still texts (or calls!) me a couple of times a year to update me on his life. e.g., “moved in w/ my girlfriend,” or “starting a new job on Monday,” etc.

We live in different states and I am now happily married to someone else. I don’t want to be rude, so I keep my responses brief and friendly, but it baffles the mind! Is he seeking my approval? Or just trying to stay connected? Should I say something to help him “move on”? Or do you think it will peter out in (more) time? Thanks!

Dear (noun plural),
You will have to pardon me here, but I guess I don’t see what is so baffling… texting or (gasp!!) calling a couple of times a year? How dare he! Can’t he just be obsessed with his current girlfriend, that he lives with, like a normal guy, and leave you alone for those precious minutes of your time?

Yes, I am being sarcastic. And a little bit of a dick. Why? Because I think most people (men and women) would gladly trade their memories of a douchey ex for what you are experiencing right now.

Have you ever stayed friends with an ex? Was it a bad break up? Was he hung up on you after, pestering you? Begging to take him back? Did he cheat? Hurt you? There really isn’t enough information here to make even a reasonable assessment, but to be completely honest and frank, every time I read your question I get the impression that perhaps you think he is still in love with you. Nothing you wrote seems strange to me except the fact that you don’t understand why an ex would want to stay in touch.

So you had an amicable breakup, and he still wants to talk to you? Congratulations! Revel in that! Not everyone can be so lucky! Not convinced? Then TELL HIM. You don’t have “put up” with these unwelcome, occasional, seemingly warm updates about his life, when you clearly want him 110% out of your life.

So lets just assume that you still feel this way after reading my guilt trip: how do you let him know his updates are no longer welcome? Try saying this:

“Sir, while I am happy you are successful in your career, and are happily pursuing new relationships since we dated 10 years ago; but I feel that whatever connection we had has since faded, and I am no longer interested in your life.”

Ok, so maybe not super nice, but he will get the point. You could even text it! Otherwise, just stop replying. Clearly being “polite” is sending him the wrong message.

I hope this helps, and is not too harsh, but I am a bit mystified by your question… I am not kidding when I say that I think this is one of the toughest questions I have read, only because I think what you have is actually pretty ideal. Occasional, genial conversation between two people who have shared something deeper (hopefully) than fluids, and have no bad blood?

That is all I have,

How would you guys respond to very occasional messages from a long-past ex? Are you friends with your exes? What advice would you give our friend?

True Story: I Cheated on My Husband

Have you ever cheated on your husband? Would you? Click through for an interview with a cheating spouse.

This is one of many True Story interviews in which we talk to people who have experienced interesting/amazing/challenging things. This is the story of Jo, her marriage, and her affair. I imagine that many readers have strong feelings about marriage and fidelity. I really appreciate Jo’s candor and her willingness to do this non-anonynmous interview. We’re going to keep the comments respectful, right?

Could you tell us a bit about your romantic/relationship history? Were your parents happily married?
The short answer here is : no. My parents divorced when I was 3 and have both been married 3 times to very different people with very different family dynamics resulting each time. From a young age I wanted to fully experience another person, build something, expand one another’s lives.

And I did – with some boyfriends it was sexual growth or emotional growth, or it was intellectual, but I was never able to connect on multiple levels with one person.

Tell us about the man you married.
A complicating and important part of this story is my health. I went undiagnosed with Celiac disease from ages 12 – 28 and it was extremely debilitating most of the time. I was having a particularly difficult time in college, and it was about a year in that I met and began my relationship with my husband.

He was older than I and extremely intelligent, responsible, and self-assured. He wanted to be a support to me and I found his presence very comforting.

How long had you been married when you began to have the affair? Were you actively unhappy in your marriage?
About a year into our relationship I started really focusing on getting well. I didn’t want to curtail my life anymore. I wanted to be healthy and able to be myself, and I thought my husband would embrace this.

But he seemed threatened by it and became very judgmental. I think he liked our reserved life (which felt very restricted to me) and didn’t want it to change. I continued trying to include him. So I wouldn’t say I was wildly happy but I wasn’t unhappy – I figured we were just working through some things and I hoped he would come around.

Could you tell us about the man you had the affair with? How did you meet him? How was he different from your husband? Did he know you were married?
I met him while still in college, we were in a photography class together. I remember so clearly the day I met him, he walked into the room and I felt this wave of energy.

I had never seen him before, but somehow I recognized him…I just knew he was supposed to be in my life. He was talented, funny, and engaging. He encouraged my photography and I think I did some of my best work during that time.

We became inseparable, but nothing physical happened at first. He knew I was married, but we didn’t talk about it. I hoped this intense love I felt for him would dissipate, but it never did. I felt guilty about my feelings but overwhelmed by them at the same time.

We were working together in the darkroom one night and he was playing one of his CDs while we worked. A blues song was playing and the man sang “If you can find love don’t trade it for silver, don’t trade it for gold” and at that moment we looked at each other.

We just stood there staring at each other, and I knew in my gut that I couldn’t walk away from him. He walked over to me and I kissed him. The wave of chemistry was incredible, I didn’t feel sick or tired anymore, I felt alive.

How did you rationalize the affair in your mind?
I knew that having an affair was wrong. I felt sneaky and dishonest and I wanted to end my marriage immediately. But I would doubt myself and hesitate. I didn’t want my husband to be hurt, I at least didn’t want it to be any more painful than it had to be. Every moment I spent with my husband in my “regular life” felt like a farce, like I was cheating on the person I really loved.

What did the affair give you that your marriage didn’t?
Everything. My marriage was based on me being sick and my husband being in control of our life together. It sounds simplistic, but that is the point it got to – I would try to reason with him and he would shut me out or be derisive. I was hurt but also confused – I was trying to improve my life and I wanted him to be apart of it.

For instance, his dismissal of my dreams of going to Africa or focusing on my photography hurt me deeply. I felt ashamed and then resentful. It was almost the polar opposite of what I experienced in my affair.

How did you keep it from your husband?
My husband was always very involved in his work and that hadn’t changed. He had said he would deal with me again when I was done trying to be someone I wasn’t. At this point,  we were just going through the motions. I was still very careful and discrete. I didn’t like the sneaking around, it made me so uncomfortable.

How did this end?
Three months into my affair I left my husband. I got my own place and was finally able to be open about my new relationship. I never missed my ex-husband or my old life. My health was certainly not perfect, but it was improving. And I was finally free to be myself without a constant judge and jury, that alone was an amazing change.

However, I wanted to be incorporated into my boyfriend’s life in ways that I hadn’t been before; and that was difficult for him. He said he had trouble trusting that he was anything other than a fling to me, and he held me at arm’s length to avoid the possibility of getting hurt.

Now that I’ve known him for years I can see that this is an issue for him. No matter how hard I tried to show him how much he meant to me he just couldn’t let this guard down. I had never felt so misunderstood, and I wondered if he was even capable of loving me the way I loved him.

Over the next year, we had some amazing times but we were also always testing each other. Looking back, we agree that if we had met in a different way things could have worked out. That doesn’t change the fact that we were pivotal in each other’s lives – we stayed dear friends – and so we know the connection is real.

Great love comes in many forms, ours didn’t end the way I thought it would, but that doesn’t take away from its import. The unavoidable truth is that I am a better person for having loved him and I’m honored to say he feels the same way about me.

What advice would you give to someone who is unhappy in their marriage and considering an affair?
It can be such a difficult and complex situation but here are some truths I took away from my experience….

1) Have an affair with yourself first. This doesn’t mean you should be self-obsessed, it means you deserve your own love and respect as much as anyone else in your life. That way you will find out who you are and what you want. If I had committed to being well enough to be myself in the first place, maybe I never would have gotten married at all.

2) I believe this with ever fiber of my being: you can control your actions, but you cannot control who you love.

3) Be brave – sometimes you just need to jump. If you are in a relationship and “the one” walks into your life be willing to cut ties and pursue it outright. My affair was my hesitation to set my old life on fire and begin anew. I knew what I wanted that night in the darkroom – I should have acted then.

True love doesn’t happen every day. This isn’t to say that we all only have one great love – because I don’t think that’s true- but if you know in your gut you are meant to be with someone be willing to soul search honestly, and end one story before you begin another.

Have you ever cheated on a partner? Any (respectful!) questions for Jo?

P.S. If you have some unhealthy habits when it comes to your romantic relationships, this might help. And it’s free!

Photo by nic on Unsplash

5 Things You Should Say To Your Partner Today (+ 5 things you shouldn’t)

Running out of sweet things to say to your partner? Here are 5 that you probably wouldn't think of (and 5 you should NEVER say.) //

The Naked Redhead is laugh-out-loud funny on the regular. And that’s not a compliment that I throw around lightly! How lucky are we that she wrote this guest post?

Having been, shall we say, “around the block” when it comes to relationships, I have learned the words and phrases that can strengthen a relationship and those that can damage individuals beyond repair.

5 things you should say to your partner today:

1. “I love you.”
This is always nice to hear, even if it’s just once a day. Naturally, if you get all Edward and Bella you might turn from “partner” to “stalker”, but hey, “I love you” is just nice.

2. “I like your face.”
My nephew once said this to my mom (he was four, I think) and she’s never forgotten it. Tell your partner what you like about them on a regular basis. If you can’t think of something…uh, don’t be a jerk. Think of something, or move on.

3. “Go have fun with your friends!”
Every couple needs time away from each other. Don’t begrudge your partner this time away from you.

4. “You can always make me laugh/feel better.”
Acknowledge your partner’s efforts, even if this “effort” involves a naked dance and the invitation to give you a “Roman Helmet”. Also: if your partner can’t actually make you laugh or feel better – why are you with them?

5. “I think you’re swell/I believe in you/You can do it!”
Encourage your partner, even if you’re not sure they’ll be completely successful. We all screw up, and we all attempt to do things that maybe won’t necessarily work. Be supportive…unless your partner is like, “Hey, I’m gonna try an ‘open relationship’…you can participate if you’d like.” Then kick him or her in the no-no and find someone else.

5 things you shouldn’t say to your partner. (No, not ever.)

1. “I don’t love you anymore.”
No one ever wants to hear this phrase. Think of something better to say, like, “This isn’t going to work,” or, “Our relationship is over.” Seriously, there is not much worse than having the ole “L” word reversed on you.

2. “My mom/dad/brother/sister/friend/old lover does that so much better than you.”
This is just a real jerkface thing to say in a non-jesting manner. Obviously, some people do things better than others, but there is no sense in comparing your lover to your mom. (Besides the fact that it’s icky…)

3. “Shut up.”
My parents never allowed us to say this to each other as a family. I used to think it was dumb, but now that I’m older, I know that when this phrase is said in anger it means, “I think what you have to say is worthless,” which is almost as bad as “I don’t love you anymore.”

4. “I wish you were more like _________.”
Again, in the real world, your partner is not going to be everything you need all the time. This is what friends (and vibrators) are for. So get over his or her faults, and work on your own. Usually, your good example will inspire the other person to be better.

5. (Any sort of degrading name that your mother would smack you in the mouth for.)
For instance, it can be funny for a girl to call her friends “bitches” but don’t call your girlfriend a “bitch.” That’s a really mean thing to do, a-hole. I don’t recommend it.

What are some of the sweet things you and your partner say to each other? Are there any words or phrases that are ‘off limits’? 

P.S. Saying sweet thing to you partner is a habit you can develop – this will help!

photo by william stitt via // cc