1) A slick and friendly little Toyota Yaris
Stupid vintage Saab! We have tangled for the last time. Being cute just isn’t cutting it anymore – you’re always saying passive aggressive shit about my mom and you’re too codependent. It’s over! I’ve been hanging out with this cute little Toyota a lot and I really think it could go somewhere. But let’s still be friends, ‘kay?
Madge, I love you. I don’t even hold that fake British accent against you. Material Girl is one of my all time favorites and I just about lost my mind over the awesomeness of Hung Up. I’ll even go to Chicago for you!
Screw that birthday cake noise, I want a birthday cheese plate. Am I the only person in the world who would get genuinely excited over a subscription to a cheese-of-the-month club?
I love this perfume because it smells like a rich, mysterious, jet-setting cougar. Isn’t that what you want people to think of when they smell you?
5) Tickets to Savannah, GA
To be redeemed during the doldrums of early November. I have never been to Savannah, but I suspect it is rife with romance, history and moss. I want to wear a large hat and high heals and walk with my arm coyly tucked in my Mr’s.
7) The ability to speak and understand any language, instantaneously
I think it’s available through the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book.
What are your birthday wishes?